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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25704499">Shyan Hurt/Comfort Dialog Prompts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flame0515/pseuds/Flame0515'>Flame0515</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF, Watcher Entertainment RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Arguing, Blood, Crying, Developing Relationship, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fake Character Death, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Nightmares, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overworking, Panic Attacks, Ryan Bergara Loves Shane Madej, Shane Madej Loves Ryan Bergara, Sickfic, the author projects hard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:54:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>31,018</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25704499</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flame0515/pseuds/Flame0515</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Shane and Ryan one shots made up of dialog prompts I found on Pinterest. Specifically hurt/comfort. Each chapter will give you details on what to expect from that particular update. All of the prompts and a brief summary used to be here but I ran out of characters so I just deleted it all, sorry.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ryan Bergara &amp; Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>163</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>303</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Shyan Rec list/Favs</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. "Can You Please Come And Get Me?"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Not my first time writing RPF but my first time writing Shane/Ryan so bare with me lol<br/>While writing this I was running on 6 hours of sleep and have been awake for maybe 14 hours?? I'm not sure, so forgive me if this is messy.</p><p>Shane and Ryan are already together in this chapter and I am really vague about a lot of things-sorry</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ryan was having a shitty day to say the least.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Scratch that, a shitty week.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Between Unsolved research, filming for watcher, meetings, and the start of multiple new projects Ryan was exhausted. And to top off the oh so wonderful week It was now raining cats and dogs, Ryan was drenched, his car just broke down, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t crying at least a little bit. Can you blame him? He was frustrated! It also didn’t help that Shane was giving him the cold shoulder, but that was on Ryan and he knew it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane was just trying to be nice, he knew that. He saw how stressed Ryan had been and was trying to be nice, to help, to make Ryan feel better. And like the dumbass he is Ryan went and snapped at him. He didn’t like the hurt he saw in Shane’s eyes, even if it was even for a moment, it made him feel bad- but he deserved it. Shane quickly decided to leave him alone but had been cold to him the rest of the day. Fuck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan slammed the car’s hood down with a frustrated grunt. He couldn’t remedy whatever was wrong with the car now, in the pouring rain, with no tools and barely any car expertise. He was right on the brink and about to absolutely lose it. Rubbing at his eyes desperately, he climbed back into his car with a sniffle and checked his phone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>10%</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fucking great.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And a text from Shane. Honestly Ryan wasn’t expecting that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hey man, shouldn’t you be back by now?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan breathed a sigh of relief. He almost thought that Shane was going to like, break up with him or some shit. They had been dating for a while now, a couple years at the very least. They lived together for fucks sake. The more he thought about it the more he realized just how dumb the thought was, Shane would never do that over something so small but Ryan couldn’t help but worry. He loved Shane and he didn’t want to lose him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Car broke down on the side of the road</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly Shane was calling him. That made him feel a bit better.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, </span>
  <b>can you come and get me?</b>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, where are you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Shane got there he urged Ryan into the car and gave him a towel he brought along from home. He worried over Ryan, making sure he was okay, that he was warm and buckled in before he started to drive.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you Shane..” Ryan mumbled, shivering a bit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane hummed. A moment passed. “Seems like you had a hell of day.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan nodded, “You don’t know the half of it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then they drove in silence. Ryan ultimately decided that he would just lock his car, leave it behind and hope no one questioned it. He really didn’t have it in him to care too much, he just wanted to go home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Only when they were somewhere Ryan recognized and his teeth weren’t chattering did he speak again. “I’m sorry..”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane quirked an eyebrow. “About..?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan heaved a sigh. “Being such an asshole recently. Today specifically. I’m sorry I snapped at you, you didn’t deserve it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane visibly relaxed. “It’s okay. I get it, you’ve been stressed, I’ve probably done the same shit to you at some point.” It seemed like it wasn’t just Ryan this thought was weighing on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah but that doesn’t give me an excuse to snap at you, you were just being nice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe.” Shane shrugged, “I just worry about you sometimes. You overwork yourself way too much, it’s not healthy. Plus you get so in your head  that I don’t know how to get you out. You gotta let me in every once in a while.” It was rare that you could actually hear Shane’s emotions in his voice but it was loud and clear this time around and it was almost earth shattering.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>These were all things Ryan was still working on. Issues that he had yet to deal with. It took time and a truck load of patience but Shane never gave up on him. Ryan wanted to be better at the whole communication thing, for both his sake and Shane’s, he never wanted to hear that worry in Shane’s voice again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan nodded. “You’re right. I’m working on it, I really am. I- thank you for sticking around big guy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course” Shane reached over and grabbed Ryan’s hand. “I just want you to be okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another beat of silence, although this time it was less tense and more comfortable, before Ryan continued, “I am still sorry though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane laughed “I accept your apology. And I’m sorry I gave you the silent treatment.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah well maybe I deserved it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe you did.” They laughed and Ryan felt monumentally better.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So are we good?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane glanced at him with soft eyes that were only meant for him. “Of course, now let's get you home. I’ll make you some hot chocolate.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan grinned, “Yes please.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The couple drove home in comfortable silence, Ryan almost dozing off once or twice. He wanted to pass out as soon as they got home but Shane encouraged him to go take a hot shower (probably for the best) and as promised made him some hot chocolate. They cuddled in bed, watching mindless television as the rain trickled on outside, Obi curled up at their feet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Shane realized Ryan was falling asleep he planted a kiss in his mess of hair and held Ryan as he slept. The next day Shane called a tow truck for Ryan’s car and refused to let the man out of bed, ignoring Ryan’s pleas of ‘Shane just let me check my emails!’ until he gave up, relinquished to a day of delivery and horror movies. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan would never admit it but It was probably one of the best rest days he’s ever had. It was definitely well deserved too, Shane’s words, not his. All in all? A pretty solid ending to Ryan’s no good week.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Friendly reminder that I am well aware that Shane and Ryan are not together and never will be. I have major respect for both them and their wonderful girlfriends and mean no harm to anyone- this is just for fun.<br/>Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos much appreciated! I thrive on your reactions. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. "I'm At The Hospital."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shane gets into a car accident, Ryan argues with a Karen, and the boys are soft.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This could be read as in the same universe as the first one if you want but It doesn't really matter.<br/>They're already a couple in this one too<br/>Also I can't handle too much angst because it makes me sad and I'm bad at writing it so this came off more humorous than anything else- sorry!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was maybe five o’clock when Ryan the call. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t already worried. Shane had gone out to get groceries and run a couple errands almost an hour ago and hadn’t responded to Ryan’s text. Granted it was only the one text but in Ryan’s defense he was trying not to worry too much. Despite that, any work he was trying to get done while he waited lay untouched by the time he got the call. It came from an unknown number but Ryan still picked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, is this Ryan Bergara?” A woman’s voice asked from the other end. Ryan’s heart dropped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is him..”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re marked as Shane Madej’s emergency contact. He’s been in a car accident. He’s fine!” She added before Ryan lost his shit. “Just a couple broken bones and some internal bleeding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sure as hell doesn’t sound fine!” Ryan shouted as he shrugged on a jacket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Trust me sir, considering the severity of the accident it’s very good. The cars totalled but Mr.Madej is doing surprisingly well under the circumstances.” Ryan breathed a sigh of relief. That was something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a relatively brief conversation with the woman so Ryan could figure out what hospital Shane had ended up at he booked it out the door and raced towards said hospital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he arrived he hurriedly entered the unfortunately packed waiting room and towards the front desk. There was a woman in front of him, yelling at the poor receptionist about how sick her son was and demanding he be admitted while the receptionist repeatedly told her that the only thing her son had was a cold. Said son, Ryan realized, was playing with some of the kids' toys that were always in waiting rooms a little ways away. He was sniffling but seemed to be fine otherwise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman and the receptionist went back and forth for almost five minutes (that felt like hours), the woman growing louder and the receptionist growing more and more tired. It was almost as if she was explaining the same thing over and over again- oh wait. She is! But the lady just wouldn’t hear it. If this went on for any longer Ryan just might lose it. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>needs</span>
  </em>
  <span> to know about Shane.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ma'am</span>
  </em>
  <span>” The receptionist started again. “Your son has a </span>
  <em>
    <span>cold, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he is not seriously sick, please go to your local pharmacy and purchase some over the counter flu medicine. We do not have the time nor space to admit your son, now please move out of the way so I can assist the people behind you.” She repeated the words she must have said at least ten times by now to the lady once more as she gestured to Ryan and the now growing line behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How can one woman be so dumb!?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lady spun around. Shit, had he said that aloud? Her face was red with anger. The receptionist winced in preparation for the woman’s reaction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How dare you!” She yelled “My son is sick! He needs medical attention which she-” She pointed an accusatory finger at the receptionist whose head was in her hands. “Refuses to give! You shouldn't be so insensitive to those desperate for help!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At this point Ryan was </span>
  <em>
    <span>done. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Could you blame him? Shane was somewhere in this godforsaken hospital, in pain and injured, and a dumbass was stopping Ryan from reaching him. “I’m sorry, I must not be thinking clearly. Maybe it’s the fact that my boyfriend was just in a car accident and I had to hear about it on the phone, maybe it’s the fact that the love of my life in injured and I can’t be there for him because some idiot is holding up an entire </span>
  <em>
    <span>hospital</span>
  </em>
  <span> line because her son has the goddamn flu!” Ryan found himself shouting and cringing when the woman recoiled. “But maybe you’re right, maybe I’m just insensitive.” He shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lady looked at him, and then to the receptionist, and then to the line of people behind him, before grabbing her child and rushing out of the hospital in embarrassment. That's a win Ryan would relish in if he hadn’t been too preoccupied at the moment. With the lady gone Ryan finally reached the front desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about that..” The receptionist muttered “But thank you for getting her out of here. How can I help you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan cleared his throat. “Uh, I’m looking for a Shane Madej?” He held his breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The receptionist brightened, “Ah yes! I believe…” She trailed off, looking for something on her computer. “Yup! He just got out of surgery, turns out the bleeding was a bit more intense than originally thought but he is stable and in a recovery room- you can see him now.” She smiled up at him and he returned it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, okay..” He replied breathlessly, “That’s great! Yeah, that’s great I’d like to see him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan was briefed on Shane’s injuries as he was led towards Shane’s room. Turns out he had a broken arm, a broken ankle, multiple broken ribs, and more than enough cuts and bruises. That and his internal bleeding made for a nasty combination. Shane was lucky to say the least. He definitely took the most damage between himself and whoever was in the other car. The car was thoroughly fucked up but that was okay, Ryan was just glad Shane would be alive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeing Shane was jaring. Ryan knew that Shane was fine but it didn’t change the fact that seeing a loved one laying in a hospital bed, scraped and bruised, dead to the world, was upsetting. The doctor that led Ryan to the room handed him some paperwork that needed to be done and left him to his devices. Ryan spent a minute just looking at Shane. He looked just as calm as usual, even more so considering the anesthetic, no sign of any pain on his face. Well, other than the black eye and busted lip of course. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last thing he wanted to do was paperwork, this experience was very draining. But he sucked it up and sat down and filled everything out diligently. Soon someone came in and checked on Shane, they took the papers when they left. Waiting for Shane to wake up was frustrating and Ryan couldn’t help but worry. At least he wasn’t stuck in the waiting room. Knowing Shane was okay was one thing but being able to see him made it real. He can’t imagine he would have lasted long in the waiting room. Ryan made a few calls, updating people that needed to know. He’d probably have to ask someone to bring them some stuff from the apartment and take care of Obi soon. There was no way he was going to be leaving this hospital any time soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, Shane stirred and Ryan called in a nurse. When Shane actually opened his eyes he blinked at the nurse for a moment, trying to get a grip on his surroundings. “Hey there Mr.Madej, how are you feeling?” Shane just looked at her. “Mr. Madej?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane stared a moment longer before mumbling “Where’s my boyfriend?” The nurse smiled and pointed at Ryan. Shane very groggily turned to look at where she was pointing. It took a moment for him to register who he was looking at but when he did he smiled “Ry guy!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Shane.” Ryan smiled at him, glad to hear Shane’s voice. “How’re you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh ‘m good, feeling great.” He mumbled </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s great big guy.” Ryan put a hand on Shane’s arm tentatively. Shane just kept smiling at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s great that he’s talking. I’ll get him some water, see if we can get him to drink before he falls asleep.” The nurse said before leaving the room. Ryan nodded in response before returning his attention to Shane.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>I’m at the hospital..</b>
  <span>” Shane mumbled with his eyes half closed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. You were in a car accident, I was worried about you.” Ryan admitted, he doubted Shane would remember this anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw I’m sorry, ‘m okay” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No no no, don’t apologize I’m just glad you’re okay.” Shane smiled up at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse returned with the water and they were able to get him to drink some before he ultimately fell back asleep. It took about an hour for Shane to fully wake up, he nodded off on multiple occasions but he got there. By the time the anesthesia did wear off he had a bit of a grimace on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Broken ribs hurt.” He muttered</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry sorry Shane.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane made a noncommittal noise. “Not your fault, I’m the idiot that got in an accident.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey don’t say that you’re not an idiot.” Ryan scolded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m at least a little bit of an idiot.” Shane smiled and Ryan laughed. They sat quietly for a minute before Shane spoke again, a more serious tone in his voice. “I’m sorry I made you worry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh. Guess he did remember it. “It’s okay man, like I said, I’m just glad you’re alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about it.” Ryan reassured him once more. After a beat he continued, “Do you wanna hear about the Karen I met in the lobby?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane’s head shot up, “You met a real life Karen!?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yup. I’m the one who made her leave and everything.” Ryan said proudly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You told off a real life Karen and waited this long to tell me!?” Shane shouted dramatically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan scoffed. “I mean, I don’t have to tell you.” He turned away from Shane.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Shane whined. “Please tell me!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan smiled, knowing he had succeeded. He told Shane about the lady in the waiting room and Shane was far too excited about it than one should be but that’s why he brought it up. To get Shane’s mind off things. That and now that he knew they’d be okay he could feel satisfied knowing he was the one to get the woman to fuck off. It was always good to see Shane smile but it was even better to see it after the day they’d both had. It was good to know that Shane was okay.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Things I know nothing about (but did vague research on):<br/>Car accidents<br/>Anesthetic<br/>Internal bleeding<br/>Most injuries<br/>Hospitals</p><p>Man I really said "Make it cliche!" and threw a Karen in there for good measure. Also I feel like Shane would find Karen's hilarious so ya know, why not.<br/>Thank you for all the kind words on the first chapter, honestly made me super happy and pushed me to make the second chapter sooner rather than later.<br/></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. "Hey, Don't Do That, You'll Hurt Yourself."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ryan has a breakdown and Shane comforts him</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>They're a couple in this one too.<br/>I get really anxious about writing about something I don't know enough about because I'm afraid someone will come for me and in this case I have no clue as to what went into making Watcher because I still haven't watched Making Watcher so forgive me lol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In Shane’s humble opinion, late nights were never fun. People often romanticized them, seeing them as more fun than they actually were. In reality, late nights (which usually turned into all nighters) were caffeine and stress fueled nightmares that while yes, were usually productive, didn’t really yield well done work and were more harmful in the long run. Despite this Shane often found himself tapping away at his keyboard into the wee hours of the night. </p>
<p>It had been a hell of day. Lot’s of talking, lot’s of planning, lot’s to think about and lots to do. Watcher, as a concept, was exciting! And don’t get him wrong, Shane’s still excited, but he had underestimated just how many of these godawful late nights were in store when he agreed to starting the company. That was the thing, this wasn’t just a little youtube channel or side project this was a full fledged company. There was a lot riding on this and he knew everyone was scared as shit.</p>
<p>Which is why he can’t blame Ryan for his panicking and overthinking. There was a lot to panic and overthink about. He can’t imagine all the shit going through Ryan’s head right now. You see while Shane can stop his negative thoughts in their tracks (or repress them but that's another topic for another day) Ryan’s negative thoughts run rampant in his mind, freaking him out more than necessary. Which, now that he thinks about it, is probably why Ryan is so easily scared. But that’s what Shane’s for. He keeps away the ghouls and ghosts and replaces them with something dumb that’ll get Ryan’s mind off things. Shane doesn’t care if Ryan’s telling him to shut up as long as he’s doing something other than jumping to the worst possible conclusion.</p>
<p>Speaking of, Shane should probably check on Ryan. It had been a couple hours since everyone decided to call it a night and head home and Shane was done as soon as they got to the apartment. Meanwhile, Ryan sat down and immediately continued working. Shane let him do his thing and when he got out of the shower made him promise he wouldn’t stay up too much longer and would come to bed soon. That was- Shane rolled over to grab his phone off the nightstand.</p>
<p>
  <em> 4:00 Am </em>
</p>
<p>Three hours ago. Great. Had he really been reflecting that long? Well you know what they say! Time flies when you’re being existential and can’t sleep. Judging by how long he’d been awake Shane should definitely be exhausted by now and he is but recently he found out that he straight up can’t sleep without Ryan. Talk about dependent. With that Shane climbed out of bed and shuffled towards the bedroom door and into the living room.</p>
<p>Ryan was right where Shane had left him, sitting on the couch, staring soullessly into his laptop’s screen. The only difference being he was tugging at his hair, white knuckling fists full of it. Shane furrowed his eyebrows in concern and rushed over to Ryan.</p>
<p>“<b>Hey, don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself.</b>” He gently coaxed, carefully trying to remove Ryan’s hands from his hair once he was seated on the couch beside him.</p>
<p>Ryan looked at him but he didn’t really see. His eyes were glossy and he looked.. Lost.</p>
<p>“Hey, Ry-guy, you’re okay.” Ryan continued to stare at him. He blinked. It looked like the situation was finally registering. As tears began to fall from his eyes he slowly removed his hands from his hair and fell into Shane. Quickly his tears turned into shaky, silent sobbing as Shane held him and whispered reassurances.</p>
<p>“I’m.. s..sorry Sh..Shane.” Ryan choked out in between sobs. It broke Shane’s heart to see him like this.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, you’re okay, don’t apologize, I get it” Shane quickly hushed him. </p>
<p>“It’s just s..so much..” </p>
<p>Shane rubbed circles into his back, “I know baby.”</p>
<p>They sat there. For a while. Shane knew he should have checked on Ryan sooner instead of letting him get like this. Protecting Ryan was his <em> job </em> and he had failed miserably. He had failed to protect Ryan from his own mind and now the man he loved was sobbing weakly and shaking in Shane’s arms. It was a sight he despised and it was <em> his </em>fault. He may not have caused this but he could have stopped it. He should have made Ryan go to bed instead of letting him struggle on his own and start hurting himself. He should have checked in sooner.</p>
<p>“I don’t know if I can do this..” Ryan whispered after a few minutes. Shane’s heart dropped. What did he mean? What was he talking about? Shane pulled away and looked at Ryan again. Now his eyes were red and puffy, he was still crying but not to the severity he was a couple minutes ago. Ryan must have noticed the panicked look on Shane’s face because he continued before Shane could say anything. “Watcher, I mean.”</p>
<p>Shane let go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Why?”</p>
<p>“I mean look at me! Would you say I’m taking this well? I know you’re just as stressed out and I’m surprised Steven hasn’t lost his mind! Not to mention literally everyone else that decided to jump on this sinking ship with us! I mean, is it even gonna be worth it?”</p>
<p>Then, with all the confidence he could muster and without missing a beat Shane answered, “Yes.” Ryan gave him an unconvinced look. “Ryan, this isn’t a sinking ship. Think about it. Really think about it. We have some of the best people working with us, there’s no way this baby’s going down. If it were just you and I? Nightmare boat. Gone. Sunk to the bottom of the ocean before it got anywhere.” Ryan laughed at Shane’s attempt to lighten the mood, score. “But we have this team of people willing to put all their eggs in one basket because they think it’ll work. Do you know how amazing that is?”</p>
<p>Ryan thought this over for a minute, sniffling every once in a while. “Okay, say we got this thing off the ground. Would people even like it? How do we know fans will even be excited to watch us?”</p>
<p>Shane almost scoffed. “You’re aware that our fans love us, right? We have a huge fanbase, you really think <em> no one’s </em>gonna come to watch. It’s basically our usual bullshit but without the ghouls. That plus the Worth It fans, they love Steven, they’ll want to support him.” He picked up Ryan’s hands to hold for emphasis. “It’s gonna be okay Ryan.” </p>
<p>Ryan, seemingly satisfied by this, abruptly kissed Shane. It was brief, but just as sweet as all their other ones. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Anytime.” Shane smiled.</p>
<p>After a beat Ryan tilted his head at Shane. “Did you think I was breaking up with you?”</p>
<p>Shane rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, “pssh, nah.”</p>
<p>Ryan gasped. “You totally did!” Shane vehemently tried to insist that he didn’t but Ryan would have none of it. “Shane I’m not gonna break up with you.” He shook his head in disbelief. “That’s not a part of any of my plans, big guy, never has been.” Shane let go of yet another breath he wasn't aware he was holding on to. </p>
<p>“Good to know.”</p>
<p>“I’m serious Shane, you’re stuck with me.”</p>
<p>Shane smiled softly at him, “Wouldn’t have it any other way. Now,” He started, moving to turn off Ryan’s laptop. “Let’s get you to bed.”</p>
<p>“Shit, what time is it?”</p>
<p>“Veeery late. C’mon.” Shane said, offering a hand to Ryan who took it and followed Shane into their bedroom. He got changed and fell into bed with a yawn before curling up next to Shane.</p>
<p>“Tired?” Shane asked when Ryan burrowed into his neck. Ryan only made a noise.</p>
<p>Ryan mumbled a very muffled “I love you..”</p>
<p>Shane smiled at the ceiling, his eyes heavy, “I love you too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've been able to update everyday because I've had the free time but school's about to kick into full gear so it might be a while before I have the time to update again- sorry!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. "How Long Has It Been You've Slept?"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shane's having doubts and a bad time in general, Ryan brings him back.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Not established relationship<br/>This is kinda similar to the last one so I'm sorry about that but I still kinda like it so, yeah.<br/>Also I'm super hyped for Puppet History so I ended up throwing that in there</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Okay <em> fuck </em>making a puppet theater.</p>
<p>And also <em> fuck </em>making puppets.</p>
<p>And maybe <em> fuck </em>script writing but he wasn’t too sure on that yet seeing as he’s barely worked on any of the scripts.</p>
<p>The only thing that had been relatively easy about this endeavor was buying and dressing the professor. Everything beyond that had been a nightmare and Shane was <em> tired </em>. </p>
<p>Maybe Puppet History was only good in theory. If this shit storm of a theater was any indication of how the rest of the show would go maybe Shane should give up while he’s ahead. There’s something so incredibly frustrating about taking two steps forward one step back. He’s been at this for a week and the progress he’s making is so so so <em> so </em>slow.</p>
<p>He’s trying to remind himself that it’ll all be worth it and he knows that it will, he knows that logically it’ll be fine. He knows the logical answer to all of this but at the same time he can’t quite convince himself. Can you blame him? This shit sucks. Nevertheless he keeps pushing forward to the best of his ability and continues working long into the night. If any real progress was made he doesn’t know.</p>
<p>The next day Shane drags his ass out of bed and to the office because there’s still things that need to be done there. He glares at the puppet theater all morning, angered by its presence and the thought of having to continue working on it when he gets home. By the time he gets to the office he’s running on maybe an hour or two of sleep and a cup of coffee. He knows he looks worse for wear but his coworkers aren’t doing any better and maybe that makes him a bit happier. To know he’s not alone in the situation. </p>
<p>“Woah big guy, <b>how long has it been since you’ve slept?</b>” It’s the first thing Ryan says to Shane when he gets there. In retrospect it was probably full of a lot more concern than what registered in Shane’s mind but instead it just pissed him off.</p>
<p>“Fuck off Bergara.” Shane knows there’s more bite to it than he intended. He feels incredibly bad when he sees the brief mix of hurt and concern on Ryan’s face.</p>
<p>Then, tentatively, “You okay man?”</p>
<p>Shane rolls his eyes. “I’m fine.” And that's the end of the conversation.</p>
<p>Shane’s relatively short with everyone else but he can’t bring himself to care. He’s tired and angry and wants the hard part to be over with. Then again so does everyone else so they seem to get it and leave him alone for the most part. He finds himself getting pissed off easily and that does get to him. He doesn’t like being this person. This version of Shane that can’t be the voice of reason, that can’t be the chill and calm one. Instead he’s tightly wound and pissy. Maybe he cares a bit more than he thought. Whatever. </p>
<p>The worst part, Shane thinks, is that he’s been a douche to Ryan. Which sucks to say the least. Ryan tries a couple more times to get Shane out of his mood, usually through means of trying to get him to banter but Shane just doesn’t have it in him. Ryan means well and Shane can appreciate that Ryan’s trying to support him while also not being in the best state of mind himself. Ryan tries not to let on about how shitty he’s really feeling but Shane knows the man like the back of his hand, he’s spotted all the telltale signs but hasn’t had the time to check up on him. Shane feels like a shitty friend and maybe he is, after all friends aren’t supposed to have massive one-sided crushes on each other last time he checked. Oh great, he’s thinking about that again. Fuck.</p>
<p>Dumb and probably inappropriate thoughts aside Shane can’t help but feel terrible when Ryan feels the need to ask him “Did I do something?” </p>
<p>It’s after everyone’s already done and gone and it’s just he and Ryan left. Shane’s denied Ryan’s offer of grabbing something to eat and it almost seems like he’s trying to get out of there as fast as he can. Maybe he is. He doesn’t know anymore.</p>
<p>Shane sighs a sad, sad sigh. “No Ry, I promise you didn’t do anything. I’m sorry I’ve been such an ass today.”</p>
<p>“Then what’s wrong?” Ryan sounds almost desperate to know. </p>
<p>“I’m just now doing great, okay? Lots of thoughts running around in this noggin” He makes a poor attempt to lighten the mood as he taps a finger to his head.</p>
<p>Now it’s Ryan’s turn to sigh, “Okay. But you know you can talk to me right?”</p>
<p>“Ryan, you’ve got enough on your plate I’m not gonna bother you with my shit.” He shrugs and tries to walk away but Ryan runs to catch him.</p>
<p>“Shane!” Ryan scolds, grabbing Shane’s arm. “I want you to bother me about your shit! I care about you, please don’t hesitate to talk to me.” </p>
<p>Shane smiles at that. “Okay.” He nods. Ryan looks like he wants to say something. He seems antsy, like something’s been bothering him. “Are <em> you </em>okay?”</p>
<p>That startles Ryan. “Huh? Oh, yeah no I’m fine.” That’s bullshit. Shane raises an eyebrow. “I’m fine, really.” </p>
<p>“Well I don’t believe that for a minute but I won’t push it. You do know that you can talk to me too, right?” Like he said, knows the guy like the back of his hand. Usually he can pinpoint what’s wrong but there's something he can’t quite put his finger on this time. </p>
<p>Ryan flashes him that smile he loves so much. “Yeah, I know.” Shane allows himself a minute to stare and then awkwardly clears his throat. </p>
<p>“So uh.. If we’re both good I think I’m gonna head out. Got a puppet theater to build.” <br/><br/>“Okay. Just take care of yourself, yeah? We don’t need you passing out at work because you spent six hours gluing felt.” Ryan jokes and Shane laughs. Life feels normal for a moment.</p>
<p>“Sure thing Ry-guy.” </p>
<p>Ryan seems content with that and Shane’s about to leave when Ryan speaks again. “Uh, Shane?”</p>
<p>Shane turns back around. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>Ryan fidgets for a moment before looking at him. “I love you man.”</p>
<p>Shane’s eyes go wide but he brightens, “I love you too.” And it feels good to say. With that Shane leaves and has a smile on his face the whole way home. He tackles the puppet theater with more energy and excitement than he’s tackled most things and if that’s because his conversation with Ryan gave him the slightest bit of hope for the future he doesn’t really mind because now he lets his mind wander without feeling too guilty about it. What’re you gonna do, Sue him? He just wants to live a little. And maybe he will.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Again, I don't know much about what it was like to make Watcher so this is all kinda iffy lol</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. "You're Burning Up."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shane gets sick.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Established relationship</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>”Alright dude, you’ve been off all night- what’s wrong?” Ryan asks once they’re back at the hotel. </p><p>Shane gives him a look, “What do you mean?”</p><p>Ryan rolls his eyes. “Don’t play dumb, you know what I mean.” Then, with a softer tone, “I’m just worried, big guy.”</p><p>Shane sighs, presumably in defeat. “I didn’t mean to worry you. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to worry you. I’m pretty sure I caught a cold.”</p><p>That made sense. They were at haunted location number who even knows at this point and Shane hadn’t been himself. There weren’t as many snarky remarks and he hadn’t been begging ghosts to kill him nearly as much as he usually did. It wasn’t like when Shane was fucked on DayQuill during the Haunting of Hannah Williams episode, probably because he didn’t have any DayQuill. He just seemed miserable. But Ryan wouldn’t be surprised if fans took it as him being scared when the episode aired.</p><p>“Aw Shane you should have said something.” Ryan walked over to where Shane was sitting on the bed and placed a hand to his forehead. “<b>You’re burning up.</b>” He stated matter-of-factly, “How’re you feeling?”</p><p>Shane sniffled, “Achey, I think I have a headache. My nose is stuffed.” </p><p>“All that dust probably didn’t help..” </p><p>“No probably not. But if I weren’t there I’m pretty sure you would have lost your mind so it’s okay. I’d rather suffer in some dust than have an unstable boyfriend.” Shane flashed a ghost of a smile.</p><p>Ryan scoffed at him, “Go take a hot shower and take some advil, I’ll run to a store before we leave tomorrow and get you some medicine.” Shane nodded and shuffled miserably to the bathroom. </p><p>Ryan got changed and spent a few minutes on his phone waiting for Shane to come back out. When he did he practically collapsed into bed beside Ryan. It was probably hitting him all at once. “My throat hurts and I want to sleep for a hundred years.” Shane mumbled with his voice muffled by the pillow. Ryan smiled sadly at him before turning off his phone and pulling Shane into his arms. Shane immediately relaxed but made noises of disagreement when Ryan gave him a kiss. “I’ll get you sick.” </p><p>“Sucks for me I guess.” Ryan shrugged and Shane said nothing else before passing out, Ryan not too far behind. It was almost four thirty in the morning after all.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Ryan woke up first. He quietly slipped out of bed and threw on some clothes before rushing to the nearest Walgreens. He would have done it last night but he was exhausted. He picked up some cold medicine, tissues, cough drops, and stopped at starbucks to get Shane tea that would help his throat. He knew from experience that it probably wouldn’t taste good but hey, if it’s gonna help it’s gonna help.</p><p>When he got back to the hotel Shane was still asleep and as much as he wanted the giant to get as much sleep as he could their flight was leaving in about two hours and his tea would get cold- so he woke Shane up. It took a few tries but he got there.</p><p>“Hey big guy, get up I got you tea and medicine.” Shane sort of glared at him for being woken up but gave him a thankful look once his eyes registered the tea. He mumbled a sad ‘thank you’ and Ryan nodded. He let Shane wake up a little before he asked “How’re you feeling?”</p><p>Shane cleared his throat painfully. “Not great.” His voice was almost gone. Ryan gave him a sympathetic look. </p><p>“Well I’ll try to get you home as soon as possible, you do have to sit through a plane ride.” Shane grumbled something, probably already thinking about how much worse flying would make his cold. They spent the rest of the morning making sure they were ready to go. Or at least that was what Ryan was doing- he refused to let Shane out of bed to do anything other than get dressed.</p><p>One annoyingly long car ride later and they were sitting miserably inside an airport. Ryan’s pretty sure Shane was almost unconscious by the way he’s slumped against his side but Ryan doesn’t mind, he wants Shane to get sleep, even if it means passing out in the middle of an airport. He hates seeing Shane sick. He hates when anything’s wrong with Shane really. But this time in specific is very disheartening. It’s probably just because of how out of it Shane is and when he’s not out of it he just seems.. Miserable. It makes Ryan sad. </p><p>But eventually they make it on the plane where Shane, once again, immediately passes out while leaning on Ryan. Which is fine, he doesn’t mind being used as a pillow. It’s not the longest flight in the world so they get back to California pretty fast. The ride back to their shared apartment sucks though and by the end of the whole endeavor Ryan’s decided he hates traveling. He’s sure Shane would agree if he had been awake longer than two hour at a time at most. </p><p>But he still drags Shane into the apartment and essentially tucks him into bed. Ryan spends time quietly unpacking some of their things and then settles down to review some of their footage. Sooner than expected Shane shuffles out into the living room with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. “Hey, do you want me to make you some soup?” Shane nods weakly. Ryan would have made him soup either way, the dude needs to eat. Plus medicine on an empty stomach is never good.</p><p>Shane watches some mind numbing show on tv while Ryan makes him some soup and musters a small smile when said soup is given to him. Ryan realizes that Shane’s said very few words today. He gets it, but it still makes him sad. He doesn’t like when Shane’s not himself.</p><p>Again, they sit in silence while Shane eats and Ryan resumes reviewing footage. At some point Shane points at his laptop screen and says “That’s bullshit.” Apparently he’d lost interest in whatever he’d been watching. That or he wanted attention. Either way it was the most normal Shane had acted all day.</p><p>“Someones feeling better.”</p><p>Shane shrugged, “Maybe.” Ryan laughs at him and then turns off his laptop. “What’re you doing?”</p><p>“Well if you plan on being conscious for longer than ten minutes I planned on spending time with you.” Shane smiles at him and it’s more genuine and less pained that all of his fake ones he’s given throughout the day. Ryan turns on an old horror movie. It’s from the nineties and the quality’s bad but they get a kick out of it anyway, although Shane’s the one waking Ryan up when it ends. Ryan doesn’t know if he should feel guilty for falling asleep halfway through or glad that Shane stayed awake. In the end he decides he doesn’t really care and they move from the couch to the bedroom. </p><p>“Thanks for taking care of me.” Shane mumbles when they’re cuddling in bed. He’s still sick but he’s feeling better. </p><p>“Anytime. You do know that you’ll have to take care of me when I ultimately get sick too, right?” </p><p>“And I’ll do it without a single complaint.”</p><p>“Good.” </p><p>Ryan does end up getting sick too. It’s maybe two days later when it hits but doesn’t mind too much. It sucks, sure but Shane (who’s feeling monumentally better) takes good care of him. </p><p>Actually, he doesn’t mind most things when Shane’s with him. He makes life easier to go through. Sure there’s struggles, like getting sick or dealing with work for example, but Ryan finds that when you have someone to hold those types of things are barely an issue.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. "No, Don't Cry, I Hate It When You Cry."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ryan's hurting and he's tired and he's stuck. The man has the weight of the world on his shoulders.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Not established relationship.<br/>Y'all I have no clue where this came from it's possible I'm projecting but it's chill.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ryan can’t quite explain why it happens.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe it’s all the stress of the past few months. Something he’s been bottling up and not getting rid of in healthy ways and so it finally spilled over. Maybe it’s a part of his weird and jumbled feelings that have been bothering him for god only knows how long at this point. Okay that was kind of a lie he knows how long they’ve been bothering him but not how long they’ve been there. Maybe it’s just the toll of all the times he’s been told he’s dumb for believing in what he believes in and this is just the breaking point. Maybe it’s all three.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s probably all three.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All Ryan knows is that he is not doing all that great. Maybe he should see a therapist? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sniffles and wipes at his face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yeah he should probably see a therapist.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s so dumb! Really, it is. But Ryan just can’t help it. They were in a haunted building, per usual, and it was a bit that they had always done (at least he hoped it had been a bit) and it never cut very deep, not once, but for some reason this time it fucked him up. Shane’s already moved on, distracted by something in the building that’s caught his eye, but Ryan can’t stop thinking about it. “This is all bullshit Ry.” It’s what Shane had said about a minute ago and what that tiny voice in the back of his mind had been repeating for what felt like forever. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This is all bullshit. This is all bullshit. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Had that voice always been that loud? He swears it wasn’t this loud before. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This is all bullshit. This is all bullshit. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It keeps repeating and Ryan.. well he’s starting to believe it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe not when it’s applied to what Shane was referring to. Ghosts and demons and what not. Ryan wasn’t sure if he was ready to give that up just yet. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yet. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Said the (not so) little voice. It was more a reminder than anything else, that much he’s well aware of. Ryan had been questioning everything recently. Everything from ghosts and demons to.. Shane and.. Wondering if it was all worth it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was weird how it was all correlated. One weird thought led to another and those led to one more, it was like a never ending loop of ‘jesus christ what I am doing?’ And what was he doing? Pinning hopelessly after his best friend, Shane, who thought the majority of Ryan’s beliefs were bullshit and reminded him of that fact every time they entered one of the various haunted locations Ryan had done countless hours of research on, so much research in fact, that Ryan was beyond stressed and beginning to wonder why Shane continued to do this with him despite how pointless he thought it was. Pity? Holding up a promise? Afraid to break something that everyone loved? Does Shane even love it? Did he ever? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Does </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ryan </span>
  </em>
  <span>even love it?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘He did! He does!’ He keeps trying to remind himself but that fucking voice keeps trying to tell him otherwise. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And well.. He can’t blame the voice for trying to convince him. Ryan’s been doing this for a while now, Unsolved that is, and it just seems.. pointless. He was passionate about it, excited to be doing all this research and going to all these amazing places no matter how haunted they were but now.. Was. That’s the key word there isn’t it? Was. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>passionate about it. Now it just feels dumb. Years of being told that none of it’s real? That all of it was pointless? It hurts. More than he realized at least. Shane meant no real harm when he said it- at least that's what he thought. Ryan’s sure that if Shane had been intentionally trying to hurt him he wouldn’t be so hopelessly in love with the man by now. He liked to think he had standards at least. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan’s tired. He’s tired of this battle in his brain that’s been leaving him so drained lately. The worst part, he thinks, if the fact that he knows that voice in the back of his mind is his own. The part of him that always plays devil's advocate and usually sounds unsure. But he’s not so unsure anymore and he’s done trying to give Ryan another perspective. Now he’s sure of himself and has been trying desperately to show Ryan that he knows the answer, that he knows what he wants. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan doesn’t know if he’s ready to accept that it’s been him all along. He likes blaming it on some voice or dumb part of his brain. But it’s him. The realization makes him cry harder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It must be more audible this time because Shane spins around so fast Ryan’s surprised the man doesn’t get whiplash. His eyes land on Ryan’s tear streaked face and the guilt washes over his face immediately. “Shit!” He curses, “</span>
  <b>No, don’t cry, I hate it when you cry.</b>
  <span>” Shane rushes over to Ryan and does something that totally pulls Ryan out of his inner monologue. He cups Ryan’s face with his hands, what he’s trying to accomplish by doing so is beyond him, all Ryan knows is that he must be blushing like crazy. “I didn’t mean to make you cry, I’m sorry Ry” Shane brushes away a couple of stray tears off his face and Ryan thinks he might short circuit. It really doesn’t seem like Shane’s aware of what he’s doing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- Uh, I.. I’m..?” Ryan stutters, trying to get his brain to form some semblance of a word but nothing really comes out. He watches as Shane’s eyes widen like he just now realized what was happening and drops his hands. Ryan tries not to miss it too much.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- are you okay man? I’m sorry I keep giving you so much shit dude, I really don’t mean it.” Shane sounds as if this is something that’s been on his mind, almost like he’s feeling guilty for having continued to treat Ryan that way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan blinks his way back to reality, his mind still reeling from whatever just happened. “Uh, yeah.. Yeah no I’m fine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure?” Ryan nods but it’s clear Shane doesn’t quite believe him. “You know you can talk to me right? If you want me to stop with the whole ‘ghosts are bullshit’ bit you let me know okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But you think ghosts are bullshit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane laughs, it’s low and soft. “Yeah, they are. But I’d rather my ghoulfriend feel better than yell about it constantly.” Ryan’s heart skips a beat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Later big guy.” Ryan smiles and it’s enough for Shane. He isn’t quite sure what he’s agreed to but he’s agreed nonetheless. Shane will probably expect an explanation and Ryan doesn’t know what that will entail but he pushes it to the back of his mind, rubs at his eyes, and focuses on the investigation they’re supposed to be doing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Later, it turns out, comes a lot sooner than one would expect. The shoot goes about as well as one can go at a haunted location and the crew stops at the nearest still open fast food joint to grab some food so they don’t all starve to death. Ryan would feel better if he wasn’t thinking about the impending conversation he would have to have with Shane. He’s aware that he doesn’t necessarily </span>
  <em>
    <span>have </span>
  </em>
  <span>to talk to Shane and he’s aware that Shane wouldn’t push him but still- he can’t stop thinking about it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everybody gets back to the hotel in one piece. It’s nearing maybe four in the morning when Ryan all but collapses on a bed in his and Shane’s shared room. He’s tired, but not in a way that sleep or coffee could fix. He’s bone tired, he’s achey, his brain feels like it’s disintegrating but he couldn’t sleep if he tried. He sits back up and puts his head in his hands. He’s exhausted in a way he simply can’t describe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He feels Shane sit beside him. They sit in silence and for a moment Ryan thinks Shane must have fallen asleep sitting up. He realizes he’s wrong when Shane pulls him into a hug and Ryan absolutely falls apart. He’s shaking and sobbing and feels like he’s losing his mind. Shane holds him as close as he possibly can, he rests his head on Ryan’s and tells him he’s okay. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Far too much time passes before Ryan’s collected himself a bit, it’s concerning almost. He doesn’t move from his spot in Shane’s arms and Shane doesn’t move either. Shane waits until Ryan’s gasps for air taper off before he speaks, “Talk to me.” And Ryan tells him every last thing that's been bothering him for at the very least a few months now if not more. He tells Shane everything. About how stuck he feels, how stressed he’s been, how much everything’s hurt. He tells Shane about how he wondered if Shane even cared about him, or the show, or any of what they’d been doing. He even tells Shane just how much he loves him. Shane lets him talk, listens to and absorbs every last word Ryan has to share. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the end of it Ryan’s even more exhausted than before but now he feels like he might pass out with everything finally catching up to him. He does feel a weight has been lifted from his shoulders though.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He begins to fall asleep in Shane’s arms and as he’s drifting off he thinks he feels Shane kiss his head and distantly he hears “I love you Ryan. You’ll be okay.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And he is.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I forgot about an entire project that's due by the end of the week and am now stressed wish me luck</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. "Because Nobody Cares About Me!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ryan and Shane get into a heated argument.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I call this one author projects hard while simultaneously hating on Buzzfeed because fuck that company.<br/>Established Relationship</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Okay Shane’s officially done with Buzzfeed.</p>
<p>Not to say he wasn’t already pretty fed up with it but this was just the shitty icing on the trashy cake. </p>
<p>How he and Ryan got coerced into making a relationship video was beyond him. Ever since the fans found out they’re dating they’ve been dying to know more. Mix that with a couple of nosy coworkers Shane isn’t too fond of and a company full of greed that’s down to exploit it’s employees and well- you get this shit show. </p>
<p>The shit show in question is pretty basic. Questions about how he and Ryan started dating and how long they’ve been together, the issue is that some of the questions get far too intrusive for either of their comfort. It’s clear how uncomfortable they both are, they’ve been laughing nervously for the past five minutes- but the questions just keep on coming. It’s like no one on the crew notices how.. Awful it all is. They probably don’t to be honest and Shane can’t say he’s all that surprised. He doesn’t recognize any of the crew, in fact he doesn’t recognize a whole lot of anyone these days. Most of them have moved on and he’s starting to think maybe they should too. This crew in particular though, they all seem like they haven’t heard half of the shit that’s happened at Buzzfeed, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, excited to be working at a big company. Shane’s not religious but if he were he would be on his knees praying for them all right now.</p>
<p>Anyway.</p>
<p>As much as Shane hates being asked shit like “who's the bottom, who's the top?” he sucks it up and restrains himself from punching someone. He’s not a confrontational person but Jesus christ- can you blame him for wanting to? Luckily Ryan knows it’s better to just be complacent too and they get through it without too many issues. </p>
<p>The minute they’re out of earshot of the crew they start complaining. “What the fuck was that?” Shane wonders aloud.</p>
<p>Ryan throws his arms in the air and practically shouts, “Thank you! I thought I was going crazy what the fuck <em> was </em>that? I mean who asks that shit?” </p>
<p>“They were probably just given questions to read out from someone else, doubt they wrote it themselves.” He shrugged. “Besides, we both know they’re just trying to milk us for all we’re worth.” It’s a poor attempt at a joke on his behalf.</p>
<p>Ryan shakes his head and sighs. “I don’t man I just.. I kinda wanna get out of here.” </p>
<p>“Like the office right now or the company itself? Cause either way I’m ready to blow this popsicle stand.” Ryan laughs. That’s always a win in his book.</p>
<p>“You know what I mean.”</p>
<p>Now it’s Shane’s turn to sigh. “Yeah I know.” He looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at him. There’s a moment of brief understanding. “Soon.” He says and Ryan nods and they go back to work.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Almost a week later the video uploads. </p>
<p>Shane can’t bring himself to watch it. It’s rough and he knows it and it’s not something he quite feels like reliving. </p>
<p>But Ryan watches it.</p>
<p>He knows this because he walked in on Ryan scrolling aggressively through the comments, a dedicated look on his face. Shane sighs and approaches him. Ryan’s sitting on the bed, back towards Shane, too focused to even notice he’d come in which is why, he assumes, that the little guy jumped so bad when he sighed. He’s probably super on edge too. Who is he kidding, he always is. </p>
<p>Ryan recovers, clears his throat and mutters a ‘hey’ before returning to his non stop scrolling.</p>
<p>Shane sits on the bed beside him, “What’re you looking for?”</p>
<p>“Huh? Nothing.” </p>
<p>Shane sighs again because this is always exasperating. The whole ‘what’re you talking about? I’m totally fine, this is normal I’m not completely losing my mind pssh why would you think that?’ thing that Ryan does every once in a while is frustrating to say the least, and he’s not really in the mood to let Ryan stew and refuse to open up.</p>
<p>He sighs. “Ry..” Ryan doesn’t respond.</p>
<p>Shane puts a hand on his shoulder. “C’mon man-”</p>
<p>“What?” Ryan cuts him off. “What do you want?” It’s aggressive and Shane cringes and pulls his hand away.</p>
<p>Shane’s chill demeanor falters, he knows it does, but he regains his composure and continues. “Ryan this isn’t a healthy thing to do, you know that.” He knows he’s right. Spending too much time scrolling through the comments is never a good idea. They get really nasty really fast, especially on a video like this and it looks like Ryan’s real deep in the comment section too. Ryan only scoffs at him. “What?”</p>
<p>Ryan still isn’t looking at him. “It’s not like you care.”</p>
<p>That one hurt.</p>
<p>“Woah, hey I care! Of course I care- why wouldn’t I care?” He’s frankly dumbfounded.</p>
<p>“Uh huh.” </p>
<p>“Dude! Listen to me- I care! You shouldn’t-”</p>
<p>“Shouldn’t what!?” Ryan shouts, finally turning to look at him. “You’re telling me you don’t want to know what people have to say about us?!”</p>
<p>“I don’t particularly care about their thoughts on our relationship, no.” Shane responds, his voice dripping in sarcasm.</p>
<p>“No? Well personally I think they can be very informative.”</p>
<p>Shane furrows his eyebrows. “Is <em> that </em>where you got the idea that I don’t care about you?” </p>
<p>“It seems obvious now!” Ryan shouts, “You don’t care about me- you never did! You.. you belittle me and lie to me and do shit to hurt me! That’s not how you care about someone, that's not how you treat someone you supposedly love.”</p>
<p>Shane gapes at him. What? Where had he gotten this obscure idea- who was saying this shit? He loves Ryan. Having that called into question fucking hurts. He just jokes and teases, it’s not that bad.. Right? Had he really hurt Ryan? Was he that shitty of a person? “Ryan you know that's not true.” He whispers.</p>
<p>“Is it!? What about this huh?” Ryan turns back to his laptop and scrolls back up to the video. He’s trying to show Shane a specific part of the video- what had Shane said? He finds the spot he’s looking for and hits play.</p>
<p>The off screen producer asks a question, “There are times on the show where you two seem to just hate each other- how does that translate into your personal relationship?” Shane remembers this question. It had pissed him off. One, because these assholes said it seemed like they hated each other which was farthest from the truth and two, because they said personal relationship- key word personal. Hence why they shouldn’t have been making this video in the first place.</p>
<p>On screen Shane laughs nervously, “Well I wouldn’t say we <em> hate </em>each other, Ryan’s just an asshole.”</p>
<p>“Hey!” On screen Ryan snaps back.</p>
<p>“Am I wrong?”</p>
<p>“Yes!” He shouts. “If anything you’re the asshole, always trying to scare me or calling all the stuff I believe in dumb-”</p>
<p>“That’s because it is.” Shane cuts him off.</p>
<p>Ryan stares at him. “Dumber than bigfoot?” </p>
<p>“Way dumber than bigfoot. You’re a fool baby! But that’s why I like you” Shane smiles and Ryan rolls his eyes and tries to hide a smirk. It’s about the equivalent of any other time they’ve bantered on camera, played up for views and at least a little bit amusing. Real life Ryan pauses the video and gives him a pointed look.</p>
<p>“See what I mean?”</p>
<p>“No!” Shane all but yells.</p>
<p>Ryan looks at him, dumbfounded, “What do you mean no?!”</p>
<p>“It was a joke Ryan!” Shane puts emphasis on every word, like being an ass will make this better.</p>
<p>“Sure.” Ryan stands up and pushes past Shane and out of the room with a huff. </p>
<p>Shane follows and throws his hands up when he speaks. “What is your problem!?”</p>
<p>“What’s my problem!?” Ryan spins on his heel to face Shane. “My <em> problem </em>is that you’re an asshole! My problem is that you probably hate me!” </p>
<p>“Ryan I don’t hate you! I never have-”</p>
<p>“Well you sure as shit don’t care about me!” </p>
<p>“Of <em> course </em>I care about you Ryan! I fucking love you! I would go to the end of the Earth for yo-” Once again Shane is cut off.</p>
<p>“No!”</p>
<p>“Why!? Why is it such a far fetched thought!? Why can’t you see how much I care about you-”</p>
<p>“<b>Because nobody cares about me!</b>” Ryan yells back and Shane freezes.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Nobody cares about me Shane! No one! I’m a fucking nuisance! You can’t stand me and… I don’t blame you.” Ryan looks down, dejected. They both stand there. Shane doesn’t move, he’s still reeling. Then he hears Ryan start to sniffle and he wraps him into a hug and holds him as he quietly cries.</p>
<p>“Ryan I love you.” He starts. “I care about you so, <em> so </em>much baby. You’re my everything.” He takes a deep breath. “And you’re not a nuisance. Do you know how many people love you? How endearing we all think you are?”</p>
<p>“I’m annoying..” Ryan mumbles into Shane’s shoulder. “I talk too much about shit people don’t care about, I’m scared of fuckin- everything and.. And..” He starts to hiccup and Shane shushes him, runs a comforting hand through his boyfriend's hair and listens as he cries shakily. </p>
<p>“Ry.. That's why I love you. You talk about all these things that <em> you </em>care about and I swear it’s the cutest damn thing. I hang onto every word you say, you’re so.. Passionate.” He pulls away enough so he can look at Ryan. “And sure you’re scared of everything but that’s why I’m here right?” </p>
<p>Ryan, tears streaking his face looks up at him and laughs weakly. “Yeah.” Shane smiles.</p>
<p>“Baby you have so many people that care about you, family and friends that would do <em> anything </em> for you. Ryan I need you to know that you are <em> cared </em> for. That you are <em> loved </em> . Maybe you don’t think that now but I <em> promise </em> that one day you’ll know for sure, without hesitation. I’ll make sure of it. Even if it’s the last thing I do- you <em> will </em>feel loved.”</p>
<p>Ryan laughs. “Is that a threat?”</p>
<p>“You bet.” Shane winks and that makes Ryan wheeze. </p>
<p>Ryan sighs and looks up at Shane again, “Thank you big guy. I- I’m sorry I said all that shit and got so angry..”</p>
<p>“Hey I got angry too, it’s okay. I’m sorry you even thought for a minute that I didn’t care about you.” Shane responds.</p>
<p>Ryan barks a laugh. “Nah, no the comments just.. Got in my head I guess.” </p>
<p>“Still.” Shane says sternly. “There’s a reason they go to you so bad. I’ll do better, I promise.” </p>
<p>Ryan smiles. “Thanks Shane.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” Then, once more he reiterates, “I love you.”</p>
<p>Ryan flashes that ever bright smile that Shane fucking adores and says simply, “I love you too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>That was a lot more dialogue than I was expecting, I hope it wasn't too bad<br/>Thank you guys for wishing me luck on my project lmao it was actually much easier than I anticipated and it went well so thank you<br/>Also I got most of my work done (for a bigger more stressful project) before deciding to work on this fic so like, I'm being good lol</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. "Because I care About You!"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shane has a bad day.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Slight TW for tiny thoughts about suicide, I don't think it's that bad but you know, I want y'all to be okay.<br/>It's time for Shane to have an absolutely shitty time!<br/>Not Established Relationship</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Shane’s having one of his bad days.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nothing really triggers them, sometimes he just wakes up with the weight of the world on his shoulders and there’s nothing he can do about it. He’s tired, he’s angry at everything, thinking too much makes him sad and he’s feeling absolutely unproductive so, rationally, he decides to call in sick to work. Calling in sick meaning he texts his Ryan and Steven groupchat to tell them he won’t be coming into the office but he’ll try real hard to get some work done from home. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That last part is only a partial lie.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yes, he’ll try to work. Key word being try. Today his brain has just decided to either shut down or bombard him with some deeply upsetting intrusive thoughts and he knows that doing anything other than something mindless will make it all 100% worse so- binge watching dumb tv it is.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan and Steven give him okays and Shane’s satisfied with that but then Ryan texts him personally and he can practically smell the worry coming through the messages. It makes him feel sick. Having someone care so much. What makes it worse is that Shane’s not good at returning the favor. He tries, he really does but damn he’s just so bad at it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan deserves the fucking world and as much as Shane.. Loves him- he just can’t give it to him. Ryan deserves better than Shane, they shouldn’t even be friends let alone like.. Partners. Okay yes Shane would love to be able to wake up every morning with Ryan, be able to kiss him and hold his hand and be there for him and make him happy but he’s also a realist. He knows that will never happen in a million years, he knows that Ryan’s straight (maybe, says the small hopeful part of his brain), he knows that Ryan would never see him more than a friend, he knows it’s just a lot of dumb wishfull thinking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What adds insult to injury is that Ryan is so.. nice. It’s upsetting really. He’s been pushing Ryan away a lot recently. If he had to guess he’s probably doing it because of this dumb dumb ‘I love Ryan’ revelation of his. God he’s probably hurting Ryan in the process. The little guy is so.. Attached to him. He shouldn’t be really. There’s no point. They’re both just little blips in the universe, nothing they do matters, Shane could off himself today and nothing would really change would it? His family would probably be sad, and all of his friends and maybe even Obi but it wouldn’t last. Not to say he didn’t have people that cared about him- there were plenty. But that didn’t mean he didn’t hurt sometimes. Most of the time. His loved ones are what made him stay but in a way he wished they just didn’t care so much. If only he could stop thinking so much- none of it matters. The worlds gonna end one day and thousands of years from now (if humanity even makes it that long) no one’s gonna remember him so whats the fucking point?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane blinks himself out of his thoughts. That got very off topic. He rakes a hand across his face and responds to Ryan’s worried texts. He tells him that he’s fine, just having a bad day- that he’ll be okay, and he will. He’s made it through days like this before, he’ll survive. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now if only he could shut off his brain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He ultimately decides to veg out on the couch. Obi lays on his chest. He falls asleep at some point and only wakes up when he hears pounding at his door. Shane jumps awake and scrambles for the door, muttering “who the fuck..?” as he tries to wake up a bit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane throws the door open and is greeted by a very panicked Ryan. “Dude what the fuck!? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for hours! What were you even doing?” He asks, pushing his way into Shane’s apartment like he owns the place- and really he kinda does. He’s over here a lot anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane gives a confused look and shuts the door behind him. “I was asleep, why were you so concerned that I didn’t answer the phone?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan gives him a dumbfounded look. “Because when your best friend calls into work saying he’s having a bad day and doesn’t talk to you for the rest of the work day, or after, or responds to any of your panicked messages you start to worry!” Then Ryan takes a deep breath. “Sorry man I just, I worry about you, you know that.” Shane nods. He almost regrets ever opening up to Ryan about his bad days, about when he gets like this. He didn’t tell him everything but even then Ryan sort of lost his shit. “What we’re doing all day anyway?” Ryan continues.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane shrugs. “I fell asleep.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You fell asleep?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>All </span>
  </em>
  <span>day?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane shrugs again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude have you even eaten anything?” Ryan sounds absolutely flabbergasted as he begins to search Shane’s kitchen for food.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not hungry.” He answers simply, picking his phone up from where it apparently fell on the floor. Yeah okay Ryan absolutely blew up his phone. Somehow it makes Shane feel even worse.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You gotta eat something man.” When Shane doesn’t respond and just sits back down on the couch Ryan abandons whatever he’s doing in the kitchen and comes to sit with him. “What’s on your mind?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane shrugs </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Nothin.” A lie. His mind is full of jumbled bullshit that makes his heart heavy and everything else numb. But Ryan doesn’t need to know that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan scoffs, “Sure.” Damn it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine Ry- you really didn’t need to come all this way for me.” He tries to change the subject.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“All this way- it’s not that far. Plus you’re my friend and I want to make sure you’re okay.” Shane just sort of deflates and puts his head in his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine. I promise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not.” Ryan reminds him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t you think I know that?” Shane turns to look at him and Ryan really doesn’t know what to say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shane-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No Ry, it’s whatever. I really don’t wanna talk okay? I appreciate that you came to check on me, I do, but you being here just makes everything worse so please, just leave.” He says, exasperated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane raises his head at that. “No? What do you mean no?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean no, I’m not leaving.” Ryan stands his ground.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not?” Shane snaps at him and regrets it almost instantly but his mind is immediately distracted by Ryan’s response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>Because I care about you!</b>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane stares at him. Ryan stares back. And for some inexplicable reason Shane starts to cry right on the spot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh shit! I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry oh my god!” Ryan begins to panic and Shane can’t blame him. How often does he break down like this? It’s rare. Even Shane doesn’t really believe it’s happening. But it is. “Uh, I really don’t know to comfort you, god I’m so sorry please don’t cry!” Ryan continues to panic. Shane gives a sharp laugh and turns to face Ryan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit Ry, the hell did you do?” He says jokingly, because really he doesn’t know why Ryan’s words broke him so badly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan jumps to defend himself, “i didn’t do anything I swear!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know man, I’m just messing with you.” Ryan heaves a sigh of relief at that. “Still this is fuckin weird.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan agrees wordlessly and smiles. “Didn’t know you could experience emotion big guy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh you don’t know the half of it.” Shane wipes at his eyes, trying to compose himself somehow. Ryan sits there as he does so, watching intently. “What?” He asks once he notices Ryan staring.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Talk to me. Please.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane sighs. “Ryan I-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Talk to someone.” Ryan says instead. “Please. A therapist, anyone. I feel like you’re slipping and Shane.. If I lost you I- I don’t know what I’d do. So please, just talk to someone.” He gives Shane a hopeful look and well.. How could Shane say no to that?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine.” He responds, defeated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan breathes another sigh of relief. “Thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane smiles, it feels genuine. “Of course.” He may be at war with his own mind but at least he has Ryan. Even if nothing lasts, if nothing matters, if he knows he’s not enough for the little guy, maybe he can be just a little selfish for once and live a little longer knowing Ryan’s there and that he cares. He’s going to try. If it can’t be for himself it’s gonna have to be for Ryan. After all..</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He can’t break up the ghoul boys can he?</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Damn did I really update twice this week? Is it because I'm trying to get to a prompt I'm really excited about? Yup.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. "You Look Sad.."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shane befriends a pack of drunk girls.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for disappearing, I could not come up with ANYTHING for this prompt. I settled on something that is far more fluffy than hurt so I'm very sorry about that. Maybe consider it a filler chap? I actually have some ideas for the next two so don't worry? Idk man thanks for sticking around.<br/>Not established relationship.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“That’s a wrap!” Someone shouts and Ryan books it out of the building. TJ gives him a look and Shane just mutters a sorry as he goes to follow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan hasn’t gone too far. He’s sitting on the steps of the haunted asylum, head in his hands. He’s shaking, and has been for the past thirty minutes. Shane sits and wraps an arm around him. Ryan freezes, and then relaxes into Shane’s side. He doesn’t say anything, he’s learned that this is the best way to ground Ryan to the here and now. Ryan’s told him time and time again that Shane provides comfort, and while he’s glad that he can help he wishes that he didn’t have to do it so often. Not to say he doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to comfort Ryan, he just doesn’t like to see him so hurt. Still, he stays there. Waits until Ryan’s breathing evens out and he rests his head on Shane’s shoulder. Then the crew starts coming out to load up the cars with equipment, almost on cue. It’s a routine they have now and it’s not the worst thing in the world.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright little guy.” Shane says finally, standing up. “Let’s get out of here.” He offers a hand to help Ryan up and he takes it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The crew planned on going out, to celebrate.” Ryan says abruptly. That’s right, this was the last shoot they had for this season of Unsolved. He’s almost glad to go back to talking about grisly murders if it means no more watching Ryan slowly go insane. They usually go to some bar to celebrate a season coming to a close- it’s hard work.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane frowns. “You sure you’re up for that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan shrugs. “Yeah. Don’t know if I wanna stay too long though so don’t give me shit if I tap out early.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me? Give you shit? Why, I would never!” He says, putting on a stupid voice that makes Ryan grin and roll his eyes. Shane can’t help but feel successful when he makes Ryan smile like that. If that was the last thing he saw he wouldn’t be too upset, not to be dramatic or anything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And so, with all the equipment and people accounted for, they all pile into cars and head to the nearest bar. It’s relatively busy for a bar at 2am, patrons still mill about, talking, drinking, and listening to music. It’s not the worst place he’s ever been to. They get a booth towards the back and eat some food considering they’re starving. Soon enough though, everyone sort of seperates.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane isn’t quite sure how he ended up talking to a group of girls that had been bar hopping all night but he’s talking to them. They’re really nice, </span>
  <em>
    <span>super </span>
  </em>
  <span>drunk but really nice so he doesn’t really mind. They’re talking about the latest asshole ex of theirs when Shane realizes that he hasn’t seen Ryan all night. He’d said he’d probably be heading back early but Shane can’t imagine he wouldn’t of heard about it, eugh that makes him sound bad- whatever. He starts scanning the bar for his friend and spots him sitting at the bar, alone, looking relatively mopey.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The group of girls must have realized that he’d disengaged from the conversation because suddenly one of them asks what he’s looking at and follows his line of sight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oooh who’s that?” One of them asks and he can’t remember her name.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane clears his throat awkwardly. “Uh, just my friend.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One of the least drunk of the girls raises a suggestive eyebrow at him. Shane feels his face heat up and the minute they notice that he’s already done for. Another one gasps. “You liiike him..” She says in a singsong voice and he has no time to defend himself before a fourth one shouts, “You totally do!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane sighs, “No, no I’m just worried about him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s his name?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ryan.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They latch onto the name for some reason. “You should go talk to Ryan!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not saying you should kiss Ryan but I’m totally saying you should kiss Ryan.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Talk to Ryan! Talk to Ryan!” One begins a quiet chant and the rest join in and Shane has to give in before they start yelling. Not that he wasn’t planning on talking to Ryan but the girls erupt in cheers nonetheless. “Wait!” One yells before he goes to leave. “Gimme your phone.” She demands and he tilts his head but hands in over anyway. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll put my number in your phone and then you can update us.” She says, tapping away determinedly at Shane’s phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh.. okay sure.” He says and she smiles proudly when she hands back his phone. “Thanks.. I’m gonna.. Go.”  He says pointing in the direction of Ryan and the girls cheer again as he walks away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey.” Shane says as he takes a seat next to Ryan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey..” Ryan trails off when he sees the group of girls still cheering him on. “Did you.. Befriend a group of drunk girls?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane smiles, “Yeah I think so. One put her number in my phone so I think I’m a part of their squad.” He says sarcastically and Ryan wheezes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’d make a good cliche drunk girl.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks? I think..” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re welcome.” Ryan says with certainty before returning to focusing on his beer. “What’re you doing over here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane shrugs, “</span>
  <b>You look sad..</b>
  <span>” Ryan just scoffs a laugh in response and then they’re both quiet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You good man?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan brushes him off, “Still shaken up from the asylum.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That’s very much a lie. Shane can read Ryan like a book these days, something’s bothering him and it’s not ghosts and ghouls. It’s clear he expects Shane to come back with a joke about and then they’ll banter and it’s not a big deal, hell Shane half expects that himself, but instead he bites the bullet. “But that’s not all is it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan startles. “I..I don’t..” Then he sighs and takes a second to collect his thoughts. “Why are you so nice to me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then it’s Shane’s turn to startle, “What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, you entertain all my stupid thoughts, you put up with me being scared as shit, you fuckin take care of me after shoots, you could be talking up any of the girls over there but instead you’re asking how I am- I just don’t get it! Why are you so nice to me?” He stares Shane dead in the eye when he repeats the question.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane blinks. This is not where he thought the conversation would head. Truth be told he does all this because he loves Ryan and his stupid fucking smile, and his laugh, and his passions, and his drive, and everything that comes along with Ryan Bergara. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He loves Ryan Bergara.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So that’s what he says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” Ryan says and then he gets lost in thought.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane immediately panics. “Is.. that okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan snaps back to reality. “Huh? What? Oh! Yeah, yeah..” Then that fucking grin breaks out on his face. “I love you too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane thinks he might die on the spot. “Really?” Ryan nods eagerly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course! How could I not, big guy?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- oh. I uh, wow um..” He stumbles over his words. “I’d kiss you but I’m pretty sure my cheer squad back there would lose it.” He says, gesturing back to the girls. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They put you up to this?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I was just planning on talking to you but apparently I’m not very inconspicuous.” Ryan wheezes and Shane joins him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then let's get out of here.” Ryan suggests.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh? And go where?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck if I know I just really wanna kiss you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s good enough for me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stumble out of the bar and barely make it three feet before Ryan pulls him down by the collar and kisses him. It’s messy and he almost falls down but it’s the best kiss he’s ever had. And if they call an uber to take them back to the hotel for a make out session and cuddling Shane sure as shit remembers to make sure the girls from the bar got home safe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They send him a shitty selfie from their own uber.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And well, maybe he sends them a picture of a sleeping Ryan the next morning.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They may or may not have a group chat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shout out to alcohol and whatever's in that makes you ask people out and befriend strangers, god knows he wouldn't be here without it.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Listen I don't know what happened either I am very tired right now</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. "Please, Don't Leave Me."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shane has a nightmare.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Established Relationship<br/>Who's ready to read about Shane crying a lot?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ryan wakes up to Shane whimpering in his sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first he doesn’t know that Shane’s making the noise, hell he barely knows where he is- Ryan glances at his alarm clock, bleary eyed- It is 4am after all. He turns to his left and Shane’s there, mumbling something in his sleep, a pained look on his face. Ryan furrows his eyebrows both out of concern and confusion. Concern because He doesn’t think he’s ever heard Shane mumble in his sleep (didn’t even think he dreamed for that matter) and confusion because what the fuck could be bothering Shane so much?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t have long to dwell on it too long because then Shane mutters a “Ryan..” and now he’s even more intrigued. Ryan sits up in bed and.. Well he watches. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane's twitching and still looks upset, he’s mumbling something. Then he calls for Ryan again only this time it sounds more broken. He figures now is probably a good time to wake his boyfriend when he calls for Ryan a third time while choking on a sob. Most likely not a good dream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shane.” Ryan whispers, nudging him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He clears his throat, sleep still evident in his voice. “Shane.” He says again and Shane only seems to get more upset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally he shouts “Shane!” and that does the trick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane jolts awake, gasping for breath. It scares the shit out of Ryan so he can only imagine whatever’s going through Shane’s head. Shane frantically glances around the room, like he’s looking for something. His eyes land on Ryan and he whispers a pained “Ry..” Before completely clinging to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly Shane is sobbing into his shoulder and shaking in his arms and it’s nothing Ryan’s ever seen before. It’s devastating really. He’s pretty sure that if he wasn’t pretty much in shock at the whole situation he'd probably start crying too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah big guy, it’s okay you’re okay.” He says a moment later when he gathers his barings. Shane just continues to cry, and cry. It’s almost astonishing. He wants to know what the hell happened in his dream that made him lose it this bad- but Shane definitely isn’t in the mood to talk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Shane finally pulls away after what feels like hours of listening to his broken sobs he looks at Ryan with puffy, bloodshot eyes and in the saddest fucking voice says “</span>
  <b>Please, don’t leave me.</b>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan’s heart absolutely shatters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby I would never leave you, never in a million years. I would be gone without you, do you understand? You’re my entire fucking world I-” He cuts his rambling short and grabs Shane’s hand. “I’m here Shane. And I’m not leaving.” Shane smiles sadly at him. “What did you dream about?” He finally asks. Shane deflates almost immediately and Ryan regrets asking just as fast. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane sighs. “Imagine every possible way I could lose you. Physically, emotionally, metaphorically, whatever- it was that. But just, on loop. Over and over again it was-” He takes a shaky breath, “It was terrible.” Then he hiccups and chokes on his words. “It was so bad Ry.” And with that he collapses in Ryan’s arms once more, shaking and sobbing all over again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s such a jarring thing, seeing Shane cry. It’s been a running joke that the man has no emotions and honestly Ryan can’t fault people for coming to that conclusion. He knows better though. He knows that while yes- Shane is a very chill and neutral person- he still very much feels things. He just knows how to cover it up. Ryan guesses it might have something to with him subconsciously thinking that emotion makes him weak. It’s something that's ingrained in everyone, especially men, so it’s honestly not all that surprising. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s seen Shane cry before, he’s seen him upset, but those times are nothing compared to right now. It’s in the same vein of ‘if Shane’s scared you should be too’ but still very different. Shane’s always been the one to comfort, the one to ground others and make the situation better. He’s a natural when it comes to those things. Which is why Ryan is pretty much at a loss on what to do. What </span>
  <em>
    <span>can</span>
  </em>
  <span> he do? He’s 90% sure the things Shane does for him definitely don’t apply here. He can’t really make a joke about ghosts to take the tension away. So he resorts to whispering calming words and rubbing Shane’s back as he cries. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually Shane’s crying changes to an odd hiccup here or there and sniffling. It takes a while but he gets there. The thing is- he doesn’t let go. He just keeps clinging to Ryan which is understandable considering why he’s so upset in the first place but it doesn’t make Ryan’s heart ache any less.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Shane?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Shane’s voice is raw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go get some coffee.” He offers and Shane just nods into his shoulder. “You’re gonna have to let go of me big guy.” Shane hesitates and makes a noise of protest but finally pulls away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stumble through their apartment and into the kitchenette. Shane is drained and Ryan all but guides him to a seat at their tiny table that's up against the wall. He can see Shane fidgeting out of the corner of his eye the entire time he’s making their coffee. It’s weird to see him so on edge. Soon he sets a mug in front of Shane and joins him at the table. Shane mumbles a thanks and they sit in silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane stares into his mug for a bit before finally taking a sip. His hand shakes as he lifts the mug to his lips. “I’m sorry.” He mumbles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan makes sure to look at him like he’s insane. “Why are you sorry?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had a stupid nightmare, and I woke you up and cried all over your fucking shirt and now we’re sitting here drinking coffee before the suns even come up.” He says like that clarifies anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.. and? You had a nightmare. People have nightmares- I’m not gonna be mad because of it. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still.” Shane shrugs and Ryan can almost see him rebuilding the walls that keep his emotions in check as they speak. It makes him sad but he knows it’s comfort. If it’s the most healthy comfort has yet to be determined. They both go quiet again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan’s brain must be running like goddamn internet explorer because it just clicked that Shane’s dream was about </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Oh holy shit Shane’s in so much pain because of </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Well- a fake him but it’s still him! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god I’m so sorry.” He rambles out and Shane raises an eyebrow at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your nightmare. It was about me I’m so sorry-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane scoffs at him, “Ry it wasn’t real. It sure as shit wasn’t fun but I know that nothing that happened in it is actually real.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay but all dreams are rooted in reality in some way. Things you’ve been doing, media you’ve been consuming, the people you’re around, there’s always some truth to it. So I’m sorry about whatever I did that made your subconscious dream that up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane smiles at him and then sighs softly. “Ryan you didn’t do anything. It’s just.. It’s just a fear of mine. I’m afraid that I’m not good enough. I know that you’re too good for me and I’m scared that one day you’ll get bored. I know that’s probably not rational but that doesn’t stop me from being afraid. My brain just decided to remind me of said fear by showing me all of the terrible possibilities of the future.” He concluded.</span>
  <span>Ryan’s pretty sure he felt his heart break. Shane’s scared of losing him? He doesn’t think he’s good enough? That’s insane! Ryan reaches across the table and grabs Shane’s hand. “Shane?” He asks and Shane just hums in response, refusing to look him in the eye. He can’t imagine how Shane must be feeling with his heart laid bare and all. He just needs Shane to know that he hears him and loves him. “You’re right.” He says and Shane’s head darts up. He looks absolutely scared and Ryan cringes. “Bad word choice, I mean you’re right that it’s irrational.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane breathes a sigh of relief and then laughs. “Had me scared there Ry.” He sounds so tired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sorry about that. Look Shane, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me, I genuinely mean that. Everything that I have I owe to you, you’re my fucking everything man and I love you so much, okay? I’m not going anywhere. Ever.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane looks at him, eyes watery, and smiles. “Thanks Ryan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that the pair curls up on the couch to argue about what movie to watch as the light of the rising sun barely peaks through the curtains.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I had no time to proof read this because I am about to be very late for class okay bye</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. "Oh God, You're Bleeding."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shane gets injured.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW for blood!!! It's minor but still.<br/>Lowkey y'all? I really like this one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It’s like any other shoot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Run down building, supposedly haunted, stupid jokes that only they find funny and wheezing. The works. So you can imagine Shane’s surprise when it suddenly becomes so much worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that it was bad in the first place or anything like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s an old mansion of sorts. Big. Falling apart and honestly an accident waiting to happen. They aren’t allowed upstairs because the floors are questionable and will probably collapse. Think rotting wood and crumbling walls. It’s a surprise the place hasn’t been condemned yet. Maybe it’s history is what saves it. Still, he thinks it’s a pretty big hazard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane’s pretty indifferent when it comes to being right or not. He’s never been one to gloat over it or get pissed off when he’s proven wrong. Not to say he </span>
  <em>
    <span>doesn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>enjoy being right, because who doesn’t? He likes holding the fact that he’s right about ghosts over Ryan’s head, even as Ryan desperately tries to show him proof that says otherwise. He plays it up but stil. It’s fun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Never in his life has Shane wanted to be wrong so bad. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The previously predicted death trap turns out to be just that when they’re suddenly hit by a particularly aggressive earthquake and the building begins to fall around them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re further back in the building when it happens. Parts of the crew scattered about, doing their job. He and Ryan are exploring a bit with Ryan scared shitless and Shane laughing at his suffering. The usual. Then the ground begins to shake and before any of them can register what’s going on the ceiling begins to splitter and support beams start to crack. Someone shouts “Earthquake!” Over the noise of the collapsing building and then they all start booking it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane doesn’t even have to think before grabbing a frozen Ryan by the wrist and tugging him along with. They’re behind everyone else as they run and have the unfortunate luck of a pretty good chunk of building collapsing right in front of them, separating them from the rest of the group. “Jesus fuck!” Ryan shouts and they barely avoid being crushed under rubble. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me about it!” Shane replies breathlessly while searching for a way around it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shane!” Ryan shouts before pointing to a small opening between a still standing wall and the aforementioned rubble. Shane nods and they rush over to it. Ryan hesitates and Shane all but shoves him through the gap. He barely makes it through himself before the crack is filled with old brick that he narrowly avoids.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stumble over piles of this and piles of that. Ryan almost gets a brick to the head but he jumps out of the way last minute (it’s absolutely terrifying to watch) and Shane’s hand almost gets caught in between two pieces of outrageously sharp pieces of wood but they make it to the main room nonetheless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re in the home stretch now. He can see the door now and watches as the last couple of crew members make it out. Ryan eats shit on some debris on the floor and falls down but Shane pulls him back to his feet fast enough that it’s not that big of a deal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then something pretty fucking scary happens.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A piece of the ceiling falls onto him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s heavy, and he feels like he’s being crushed. He cries out to Ryan because he’s fucking trapped and it </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurts </span>
  </em>
  <span>and he can’t get free. All of his stupid limbs are pinned and he can’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>breathe</span>
  </em>
  <span>. For a moment he thinks Ryan doesn’t hear him, that he’s just going to leave while he dies a painful, suffocating death stuck under the remains of a stupid, unhaunted house. But thank fucking god Ryan hears him and the pure fear on Ryan’s face is enough to break him on the spot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan sprints back to him and frantically moves the shit that’s trapping him with a wild look in his eyes that scares the living hell out of Shane. You know, if he wasn’t trapped in a collapsing building or hoping he doesn’t die. There are bigger things to be scared of at the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thank god for Ryan and his wonderful fucking biceps (hot as fuck </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>amazingly useful) because he’s pretty sure he wouldn’t have made it out otherwise. Ryan pulls him out and they continue onward to their escape.. Which is starting to get blocked, okay time to fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>run</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They get out by the skin of their teeth and clamber their way into the pale moonlight just in time to watch what’s left of the once luxurious mansion fall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy shit! Did everyone get out alright!?” Ryan yells, trying to make sure that everyone is accounted for, which it seems they are. But they’re too busy staring at them in horror to say anything. “What?” Ryan asks anxiously. Katie points a shaky finger at Shane.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All eyes are on him, Ryan included, who looks like he’s actually seeing a ghost. “Huh?” He asks because he’s confused as all fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>Oh god, you’re bleeding.</b>
  <span>” Ryan sounds devastated when he says it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What? He’s not.. he puts a hand to his side and-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His hand comes away covered in blood and it hits him. Hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a monstrous gash that wraps around him and it’s gushing blood. He isn’t sure when he got it or from what. He figures it was the adrenaline that made it so he never noticed. Suddenly he feels light headed and tired. He looks from his blood covered hand to the crew and then to Ryan. “Huh..” He mumbles. “That can’t be good..” He faintly hears Ryan yell.. And then he blacks out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he comes to it’s in a sterile hospital with bright lights and the smell of antiseptic. He blinks into consciousness and squints at the form next to him. In a chair pulled close to his bed is Ryan, who looks worse for wear. He’s dead asleep and Shane smiles weakly at him. He makes an attempt to sit up that he regrets immediately because </span>
  <em>
    <span>ow, ow, ow, ow, ow</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Oh yeah. Large wound. Yikes. How’s everyone else? Seeing as the only other person he has access to is Ryan he might as well wake the man up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ryan..” He whispers. “Ry.. Ryan!” His voice sounds off which is fine. He probably needs water. Ryan jolts awake and searches for the source of Shane’s voice. He gasps when he does see him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shane! You’re awake oh my god! “ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane frowns. “I wasn’t asleep long was I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, no! It’s just, I’m happy you’re awake.” Ryan smiles his big cheesy grin and Shane’s heart melts. “How’re you feeling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well my.. Everything hurts- how injured was I?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty injured. Most of it’s probably bruises and stuff, god knows the rest of feel like shit, but you’re the one who started bleeding profusely on the sidewalk outside of a collapsed building.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane snorts. “Yeah, sorry about that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was scary as shit man..” Ryan whispers. He rests one hand on the bed and runs another across his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t doubt it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan sighs. “I’m just.. So glad you’re okay.” He smiles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane smiles too. “Yeah me too. A little surprised we all made it out of there. How’s everyone else?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re good. Shaken up more than anything. But everyone made it out in one piece. Minus buzzfeed’s equipment but that’s whatever.” Shane cringes at the thought of all that expensive equipment getting utterly destroyed but Ryan’s right, it’s not that big of a deal. “Where are they?” He asks next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Home I think.” Ryan shrugs. “We all got checked out and waited until you were out of surgery. Once you were in recovery though I think they decided it was time to go take a long ass nap, which I can’t blame them. Although they did coax me into heading home for a shower and change of clothes.” Ryan rambles and it takes Shane a minute to comprehend everything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ry.. have you been here the whole time?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ryan gives him a sheepish look. “Well.. yeah. I kinda thought you were going to die.” Shane smiles and reaches for Ryan’s hand to hold. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well I’m okay. You’re okay. We’re okay.” Shane reminds him and Ryan looks at their interlocked hands for a moment before smiling once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then a nurse comes in to look him over, make sure he’s okay. He has to stay in the hospital for a little while longer for monitoring but he doesn’t mind. They update their friends and family that all is well and then they tell the fans that ‘yes, that thing you heard about on the news? Where the mansion collapsed with that paranormal investigation team inside? Yeah that was them- don’t worry though! They did all almost die but they’re fine!’ They’re all mostly quiet after that but Shane does share one picture from his hospital room thats a stupid selfie of he and Ryan that he takes from his hospital bed because he’s just like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They do find out that their personal cameras captured their great escape in its entirety, up to and including Shane passing the fuck out, albeit very messily. Despite Buzzfeed’s wishes to post the footage they put their foot down and refuse because who wants that shit on the internet? It was traumatizing. Shane tries to watch it back once and almost throws up at the memory. Not fun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Near death experiences aside Shane’s glad that they’re fine. He’s glad that he has Ryan, who’s there the entire time Shane heals right by his side. He feels kind of bad that Ryan’s willingly putting up with all this but he’s constantly reminded that he would do the same in an instant which isn’t wrong. The entire experience is a lot, lots of mental and physical healing is done on both of their parts but thankfully, they get through it. Together.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Side note, I know nothing about injuries, hospitals, earthquakes, or when buildings collapse so.. sorry if I got shit wrong lol<br/>Random thought! Based on my writing alone, do y'all think I'm a shaniac or a boogara? I really wanna know the vibe I give off okay thanks bye!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. "I Heard You Scream, Nightmares Again?"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ryan has a nightmare.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW for blood, a little bit of guts, choking, more blood..<br/>I really went all out on this one folks so uh, be careful and I hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Shane?” He whispered into the darkness, a shakiness in his voice seeing as his friend was nowhere to be found. He enters a pitch black room, he can’t see anything. Then he starts to slip. There’s something on the ground. Suddenly there’s a flashlight in his hand, he steadies himself and points it at the floor. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> There’s crimson blood everywhere.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He startles and stumbles backwards with a shout. He spins around and he’s in a concrete room. There’s some light drifting in from a window. A menacing shadow moves across the wall. A chill crawls up his spine. It’s cold. There’s a whimper from the corner of the room.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Shane!”  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> There’s a trail of blood that makes his heart sink. He follows it. He hears whispers all around him. It’s overwhelming. It feels like he follows the trail for hours. Now he’s outside. In the woods. A wolf howls in the distance. Crows line the trees around him, staring into his soul. There’s a demonic growl from behind him and he yelps before starting to run. Now all he hears are the crows screeching and heavy footsteps getting closer and closer. He rounds a corner to find a large boulder. It has blood on it. The trail from before goes around it. Hesitantly he follows. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> What he sees makes him want to vomit on the spot. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> It’s Shane. Bleeding and broken. He’s propped up against the rock, there's a gash across his stomach, some organs are sliding out of the wound. He’s hunched over and looks dead. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He’s crying as he asks, “Shane?”  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Shane lifts his head and looks at him with unseeing, all white eyes. “Ry-” He coughs up blood and takes a ragged breath. “Why?” Just then a knife flies past and embeds itself in Shane’s head.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He dreams bloody murder and spins around. He’s in an all white room with a figure directly across from him, their back to him. “Who are you!?” He shouts. The person laughs and turns around to face him. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Well, I’m you.”  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> It’s Ryan. It looks exactly like him. It is him. It’s like looking into a mirror, the only difference being the pure black eyes. He gasps and stumbles backwards before bumping into someone else. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> It’s Shane. He’s bleeding from his eyes, his nose, his ears, his mouth, and a wound in his forehead that’s distinctly knife shaped. “Why’d you do it Ryan?”  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He stumbles over his words. “I- I didn’t do- what? I didn’t do anything, I-”  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> The other version of him rests it’s head on his shoulder. “Oh? Look again.” When he looks back he’s looking at his hands, they’re covered in blood, Shane’s blood. He cries out “No!” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Oh yes.” A disembodied voice that’s his but isn’t his at the same time says. “You did this. It’s your fault. Answer his question- why?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He looks back up at Shane. Shane stares at him, unblinking, waiting for a response.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Well?” The voice asks again. “Answer him!” It shouts.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He whimpers. “I don’t know!” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Shane glares at him and growls. “Not good enough!” He bellows. Then the floor opens up and swallows him whole. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> He’s falling and falling and falling, tortured screams surround him. He opens his eyes and he’s surrounded by mirrors. He trips around the small room, looking for an exit, smearing Shane’s blood across all the mirrors in the process before relinquishing himself to sitting on the floor with his knees pulled to his chest, shaking, hyperventilating.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> “Ryan.” Something says and he lifts his head and suddenly two boney, black claws wrap around his throat. He gasps and then he’s spitting up black liquid. It’s coming faster than he can spit it out. It’s painful. He continues to cough up the void until he’s above his head in liquid darkness and begins to drown. He’s drowning. He’s drowning. He's drowning, oh god. </em>
</p>
<p>“Ryan!” </p>
<p>He snaps his eyes open and is face to face with Shane, who’s looking at him with eyes full of concern. Ryan gasps for air, he feels like he’s run a marathon. “You good man?” Shane asks after allowing him a moment to catch his breath. </p>
<p>“Yeah.” Ryan croaks out before clearing his throat. “Yeah, I’m fine, thanks.” Shane nods and then Ryan asks, “Why are you in here?” </p>
<p>“<b>I heard you scream. Nightmares again?</b>”</p>
<p>Ryan sighs. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>“You know, maybe you should go to a doctor about that or something.” Shane says as he pats Ryan on the back. </p>
<p>“Maybe.” He mutters.</p>
<p>Shane frowns. “Alright, put on some shoes on, I’m sure there’s a Denny’s open around here somewhere.” </p>
<p>“Denny’s?” </p>
<p>“Yeah man. They’re usually open pretty late for the drunks, the depressed, and the people who need a friend to talk to about their nightmares and it looks like you’re a part of that last group so let’s go.” </p>
<p>Ryan wheezes and Shane smiles. “Wait what time is it?” He asks.</p>
<p>Shane hums for a moment as he checks his phone. “About.. 2:35, don’t worry I wasn’t planning on sleeping anytime soon.” With that he leaves.</p>
<p>Ryan rubs at his eyes while he looks around the room. Wait, where was he? This is <em> not </em> his room. He thinks for a moment before it clicks. He’s at Shane’s because they were hanging out earlier and had he- had he fallen asleep? Okay wait, he totally fell asleep on Shane’s couch, did that asshole <em> carry </em> him to bed? <em> His </em>bed? Wow. </p>
<p>He feels bad, especially considering he had one of his stupid nightmares. They’ve been happening a lot recently. He’s more than annoyed with himself for having one while he was over at Shane’s, it’s dumb and embarrassing. The first few times they happened he was absolutely terrified. Now though? They’ve happened enough that they’re more nuisances than anything. He sure as shit hates them though, they’re fucked. He doesn’t remember them too well afterwards though. Although the image of Shane mutilated like that sticks with him this time. Fun. That thought aside, he searches for his shoes.. Which Shane placed by the bed. He smiles. That was nice of him.</p>
<p>…</p>
<p>Shane waits until they’re settled in a sticky Denny’s booth to ask him about it. </p>
<p>“So. What are the nightmares about?” </p>
<p>Ryan sighs. “A lot. I dunno I have a hard time remembering them.” Shane gapes at him. “What?” He asks defensively. </p>
<p>“Ryan, I heard you <em> scream </em>like actually scream, I thought you were dying.” </p>
<p>“Shit, sorry man.”</p>
<p>Shane scoffs at him. “Don’t apologize, you didn’t do anything. I just can’t imagine how you don’t remember something like that.” </p>
<p>“They’re awful. My brain probably just represses them afterwards to like, protect me or whatever.”</p>
<p>“You’re brain’s the one creating them, Ry.” Ryan just shrugs. “You really don’t remember any of it?” </p>
<p>“I remember some of it.” He mumbles into his mug of coffee. </p>
<p>“Like what? You don’t have to tell me I just wanna know what’s going on in there.” Shane reaches across the table to tap Ryan’s head and they both wheeze.</p>
<p>After a brief moment Ryan relents. “I remember you mostly.” </p>
<p>Shane chokes on his own coffee. “Me?” </p>
<p>“Yeah.” </p>
<p>“And why am I in these dreams?” </p>
<p>“Fuck if I know. You usually die though and it sticks with me. It’s gruesome.”<br/>
<br/>
Shane seems to think this over before laughing. “I’m not gonna lie, that’s a bit concerning. Maybe all the true crime is finally getting to you.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, maybe.” Ryan laughs.<br/>
Then Shane gets serious for a moment. “Hey when I say you should see someone I mean it. I’m not well versed in what dreams mean but a therapist probably would be, they could help you figure out why what’s going on up there is going on.” </p>
<p>“Like the root of the problem?” Ryan asks.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He must be able to see Ryan’s dislike of that idea since he follows that up with “Just sleep on it, okay?” </p>
<p>“I’m not sure I wanna sleep again.” </p>
<p>Shane laughs, “Yeah that’s fair. Just think about it.” </p>
<p>“I will.” He assures Shane and he means it. He’s not super open to the idea of talking to someone about all this bullshit but if they can help it might be worth it. </p>
<p>“Now.” Shane claps his hands together. “Let’s get you something to eat, what’re you feeling?” He asks as he picks up the menu. </p>
<p>“Pancakes?”</p>
<p>Shane smiles in a way that makes him feel warm and fuzzy. “You read my mind Bergara.”</p>
<p>As they discuss which pancakes are best and crack jokes and bicker Ryan thinks that he’ll never be happier than he is when he’s with Shane. That had been a thought nagging at the back of his mind for a while, something he thought was a recent development but the more he thinks about it the more he realizes that it’s always been that way.</p>
<p>There’s nowhere he’d rather be. No one that makes him happier. No one that could make him feel the way Shane makes him feel.</p>
<p>It’s always been him.</p>
<p>It’s <em> always </em>been Shane.</p>
<p>And boy is that a terrifying realization.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I really liked this one! It was super fun to write. Also as per my question from last chapter I'm actually a Boogara!<br/>I know, weird right? I asked because I totally felt like I was giving off Shaniac vibes but nope- I'm a believer! What about y'all? I'm curious.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. "Hey, Just Look At Me, Breathe."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ryan sort of loses it and Shane has an existential crisis.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Y'all writing for this took course over two days, both times long past when I should be asleep so it got away from me.<br/>Some stuff is sloppy but I still really like it so I hope you do too and I'm sorry if it's not the best<br/>Anyway have some relatively soft shyan content</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Shane doesn’t believe in ghosts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everyone knows it at this point, he only talks about it every episode unsolved. What he does believe in however, is Ryan’s ability to scare the shit out of himself. Which is why he’s been pacing outside the door of a very gross (and NOT haunted) basement since Ryan started his solo investigation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan has been jumpy all night, like always, but more so than usual. Every little thing, every little noise, shadow, movement, they all got to him. Needless to say Shane’s worried. Especially considering the fact that nothing’s worked to distract Ryan. It seemed like no joke could shake him from the paranoia tonight. So, he’s worried this might be the one where he snaps and takes a dive off the deep end. Which has already almost happened one too many times for Shane (looking at you Old City Jail) so of </span>
  <em>
    <span>course</span>
  </em>
  <span> he’s worried.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What probably makes things worse in that literally no noise can be heard coming from the basement, Ryan would have at the very least yelled at this point. His growing panic is apparently obvious because TJ is giving him a look. “What?” He stops his pacing to ask deadpan. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s fine. Calm down.” TJ responds, cool as ever. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane let’s his concern get the best of him. “What if he’s not?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- I mean something’s been off about him all day, I’m allowed to be worried if something's wrong with my best friend.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean something’s been off about him all day?” Katie pipes up as TJ rolls his eyes. Shane looks at her like she’s dumb.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh come on! He’s been quiet, fidgety, sorta curling in on himself? They’re all the cliche Bergara tells!” When everyone gives him an amused look he quirks his head. “Am I the only one who noticed?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Katie smiles at him “Seems that way” She says, patting him on the shoulder before moving to check some equipment. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Shane stands there, dumbfounded for a moment. “W..what? You’re seriously telling me that none of you saw that something was up?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you’re the only person that pays </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>much attention to him.” Katie says without even looking up from a camera. Shane shuts up after that. He knows by now that any defense he tries to give will only dig him into a deeper hole. Still, whatever’s up with Ryan goes past ghosts and ghouls. He’s just scared that this might be the tipping point. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They spend the last few minutes of Ryan’s investigation in silence. Shane sure as shit doesn’t feel like making quips at the camera right now. It feels like the time passes in slow motion. Then, after what feels like a decade the timer goes off and Shane immediately moves towards the basement door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s five!” He yells into the darkness. He gets no response. “Ryan?” He tries again. Again nothing. He looks to the crew for what to do.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go get him.” TJ nods in the direction of the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane nods and begins the trek down the dangerously old steps of the basement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ryan?” He shouts. Once more, he gets no response. He can’t see shit, which is fun, but it’s a relatively small basement so it should not be this hard to find a grown ass man. He takes a minute, standing in the almost suffocating silence and darkness- and then he hears it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Whimpering. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s coming from the corner. It’s quiet and it makes Shane’s heart ache. “Shit, Ry” He mumbles as he stumbles in the dark to him. He can faintly see him, practically curled up in a ball on the floor. He nearly trips on Ryan’s flashlight, it’s abandoned on the ground but still of use. Ryan all but screams bloody murder when Shane reaches out and touches him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Woah! Hey, it’s me Ryan, it’s Shane.” He reaches for the flashlight, turns it on, and points in at the opposite wall. It gives enough light that Shane can see the tear tracks down Ryan’s face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shane?” Ryan whispers, barely peeking out from behind his own hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah. A..are you okay? Can I touch you?” He asks, hesitantly. Ryan doesn’t give him an answer so Shane doesn’t do anything. “What happened?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- I don’t know, I saw.. Things but I don’t know what, there.. There was so much, so many of them- they.. They..” Then Ryan starts to hyperventilate. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>Hey. just look at me, breathe.</b>
  <span>” Shane instructs and Ryan looks at him, fear still evident in his eyes. “C’mon, breathe with me, in, out, in, out” He repeats and repeats until Ryan’s breathing just a bit more normally. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then, out of nowhere Ryan hugs him. It’s bone crushing but that’s okay, he holds Ryan just as tight. “I’m so scared Shane.” He whispers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, it’s okay, you’re okay.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to leave, can we leave?” Ryan’s voice is beyond shaky.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, of course.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Carefully, he pulls Ryan to his feet. It’s a bit of a hassle with Ryan still clinging to him and all. So is trying to climb the stairs. “Woah, what happened?” Katie asks when they finally reappear. Ryan, still Shaking and sniffling and Shane, dragging him along with an arm around his shoulder, pulling him close.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Honestly I’m not sure but we’re getting the fuck out of here.” He answers truthfully. They quickly abandon their equipment and make their way towards the door without much of a word to the rest of the crew. He feels a little guilty for just, leaving like that but he has more important tasks at hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Shane goes to get Ryan in the car safely Ryan makes a noise of complaint and pretty much refuses to let go of him. “Ry, I gotta get in on the other side.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan looks up at him with these big sad eyes. “You won’t leave?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, of course I won’t, I’m just going around to the other side of the car.” He reassures him. What the fuck had happened while Ryan was in the basement? Shane’s getting more and more worried by the minute but that’s enough for Ryan to begrudgingly let go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thankfully, they had carpooled here seeing as it wasn’t too far away from either of their homes. They had planned for Ryan to head over to Shane’s and they would go from there. Although it didn’t take much planning considering the fact that they were almost always together outside of work. Was that weird?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where to, Ry?” He asked once he was sure they were ready to go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your’s” Ryan croaked out. It seemed he was coming down from the high of being terrified. Shane nodded and pulled out of the building’s lot. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a minute or so of driving and glancing at Ryan every five seconds to make sure he was okay (honestly it was probably a hazard) Shane spoke again. “You okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan started at his feet. “I.. think so?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that a question or a statement?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” He answered earnestly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A beat of silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What happened back there?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan paused, and made a face that resembled confusion. “I.. I don’t know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane raised his eyebrows at that. “You don’t remember?” Ryan just shook his head. They shared a dumbfounded look.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan put his head in his hand. “Fuck, Shane I don’t don’t remember shit.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s really concerning Ry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, no shit.” Shane could tell Ryan was getting worked up again, it was in the way his voice cracked and how his breathing became unsteady.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, okay, let’s not worry about it alright? Maybe you can take a nap and we’ll see if you remember anything, yeah?” Damn he really needs to stop stumbling over his words when it comes to this, that’s like, the least calming thing he could do. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think I can sleep anytime soon. Too on edge.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve got nothing to worry about, alright? Nothing’s gonna getcha if I’m here.” Ryan smiled at that and Shane had never felt more proud of a joke. “You’re okay Ry.” Then, and now he’s not sure why he did it, he reached over and put a hand on Ryan’s knee. It just felt right. Was this passing friendship? Was this too far? It can’t be, right? Ryan does it to him all the time. This is fine. This is fine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you Shane.” Ryan whispered and suddenly there was a hand on top of his. Oh holy shit okay this might be crossing a line. The more he thinks about it.. This isn’t the first time this has happened either. Hand holding that is. Actually, this happens a lot. How had he not realized that before?  It’s not like it’s bad though. It’s nice. It feels.. Right. Normal. It always has.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Huh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He cleared his throat. “Anytime.” The rest of the car ride was quiet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the time they got back to Shane’s apartment Ryan was dead on his feet. Tired as all fuck and drained is the best way he could describe it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gonna go get changed.” Ryan mumbled before walking off to Shane’s bedroom. Shane nodded. Ryan kept some of his stuff here because he was over so often, just like Shane kept stuff at Ryan’s, it’s not that big of a deal. But then, upon looking around he realized there was a lot more Ryan here than there used to be, there was a section of his closet full of his stuff for god’s sake and- oh. That’s not all that normal for best friends, huh?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before he can dig into that thought too much his phone dings. It’s from Katie.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hey, you guys took off pretty fast.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Everything good?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh shit yeah, they didn’t even get to finish the episode. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry, can I call you?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sends him a yes and picks up on the first ring. “Hey, you guys good? What happened with Ryan?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah we’re fine. I honestly don’t know, and Ryan doesn’t really remember. I just found him crying on the ground and he wanted to get out of there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Damn.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Sorry we bailed on you guys, that wasn’t super cool.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She laughs. “Don’t sweat it. We’ll just have to figure out a way to end the episode later. But I for one, am exhausted and going the fuck to sleep.” She yawns through the sentence. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah uh, us too. Real quick though- were you aware that Ryan and I are pretty much dating?” He says it before he can think it through because he really feels caught off guard on the matter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She only laughs at him. “I’m pretty sure you two are the last to know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He can practically hear her smile through the phone. “Huh indeed, Goodnight, Shane.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Night.” With that she hangs up, leaving him standing there like an idiot. When had this all happened? How? What? He’s not upset about it by any means but.. What? He felt like his brain was short circuiting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Big guy.” Ryan calls from where he’s standing in the doorway that separates his bedroom from the rest of the apartment. “You plan on going to bed anytime soon?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh. Right. They also shared a bed more often than not. Why hadn’t he noticed these things? What the fuck? This was just their normal. How was this just their normal? He feels like he’s missing some big event. This isn’t something that can just happen over time. Can it?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Yeah, yeah.” He shakes his head and walks over to his (their?) bedroom, turning off the light as he does.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay? Ryan asks once they’re settled in bed. Settled as in spooning, like they almost always sleep. What the shit?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’m fine.” He clears his throat. “:Are you okay? You had quite the eventful night.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan hums. “Maybe. I don’t know, it’s weird. I’ve mostly recovered though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem off. Who were you on the phone with?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Katie. I- Are you aware that we’re pretty much dating?” Ryan turns around to face him, a confused look on his face. Something’s processing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then he breaks out into a grin. “Oh my god, we are.” He begins to laugh and Shane can’t help but join him. “We’re so dumb.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah we are.” After their laughter dies down and Ryan’s resting his head on Shane’s chest Shane whispers, “Ryan?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s okay, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What, that we’re dating?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“As long as that’s okay with you.” He mumbles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s more than okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A moment passes and Shane speaks again. “So can I call you my boyfriend?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He can feel Ryan smile. “I’d be honored.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good, cause I’m never gonna not do it, everyone I speak to will just hear ‘my boyfriend Ryan this’ and ‘my boyfriend Ryan that’ it’s gonna be a nightmare.” Shane jokes, Ryan wheezes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll do the same shit.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane groans. “Oh god we’re gonna be the most annoying couple ever.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think we already are.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane thinks about that for a moment. “Yeah, you’re right.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan yawns. “I love you Shane.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you too.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In the wise words of Shane Madej "What a tender ending!"<br/>I've got so much shit going on right now but I really wanted tp update so you know, here we are.<br/>School is a bitch in case you were wondering also I think I got flirted with the other day??? How does flirting work??? I'm so fucking awkward lol</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. "Hold My Hand, You're Going To Be Okay."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ryan knows Shane like the back of his hand.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Established relationship baybey!<br/>I projected hard lmao</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Shane isn’t the most extroverted person Ryan knows. This much is obvious. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sure he likes to talk to people and he’s not totally antisocial but too much interaction drains him far faster than Ryan. He needs to recharge after big gatherings or a day of constantly being around people, which is something Ryan didn’t even know was a thing until he met Shane. He didn’t quite understand it at first but much like everything seemingly odd about Shane he came to appreciate it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Considering the fact that they hang around each other all the time Ryan would try to make himself scarce when he knew Shane needed a minute. After their relationship turned into something more and he tried this same tactic Shane would pull him into his lap and tell him that he was the only one that didn’t drain him or anything like that. It was nice. To know he wasn’t a nuisance, to feel wanted even. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Occasionally, Shane would have really bad days where he didn’t want to have to deal with anyone and just sit in silence with Ryan in the comfort of their own home. If he did have to go out he would seem miserable the entire time. Well, maybe miserable isn’t the exact word he’d use to describe it. At the very least it was clear that Shane did not want to be there. He would get real fidgety and out of it. He’d be uncharacteristically quiet and when he did speak he would ramble and stutter through some of his words. If he was doing real bad he might even have a panic attack. On days like those Ryan wanted to keep Shane tucked away at home and ignore the world outside of their little bubble. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unfortunately, today was one of those days.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew it from the moment they woke up. He could spot all the usual tells after knowing Shane for such a long time. As much as he would love to stay home today, and as much as he knew it would benefit both of them they did have a mandatory meeting today. It wasn’t the biggest thing but they both knew that it would be shitty of them not to show. It wasn’t really their meeting to run but Watcher was their company. He also knew that if he brought up the idea of skipping out on it to Shane he would get shot down immediately. Shane tended to be stubborn when it came to these things.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You good big guy?” Ryan asked from his spot against the counter in the kitchen as he waited for his coffee. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane looked up from the bowl of cereal he was poking at and gave him a tired smile. “Yeah.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan didn’t push it any further. Shane didn’t eat much of his cereal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a fun filled morning of watching Shane stare at his computer with a blank look and neither of them getting much work done, their minds far too preoccupied with something else entirely, they met at another company’s office for the aforementioned meeting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was about as cliche as a conference room could get, frosted glass, super long table, what more did you need? Actually it reminded him a bit of buzzfeed now that he thought about it. Fun.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Buzzfeed-ish as it felt that didn’t stop it from being an unfamiliar situation. Watcher was a stark contrast to this, it was weird to say the least. Before they could make it into their designated room though, Shane pulled him aside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ry?” Shane asked, his voice cracking. “Gonna need a little pep talk to get me through this.” He said, holding up his shaking hand to prove his point. Ryan understood almost immediately. It’s funny, really, how well he knows Shane. The best part though is that Shane knows him just as well. That and the fact that Shane trusts him so much.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan grabbed both of Shane’s hands and pulled them down to hold. “You are going to be okay. This will be simple, we’ll barely have to talk, it’ll be over before you know it. You got this, I’m gonna be next to you the whole time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane nodded and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah.. yeah, okay.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>Hold my hand, you’re going to be okay.</b>
  <span>” Ryan reassured him one last time, took his hand, and walked them into the conference room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The meeting went about as well as they could have hoped. It went off without a hitch for the most part. Shane, on the other hand, held onto his hand like it was a life line the entire time. Which was understandable, it hurt a little bit but he didn’t mind. They got out of there as quickly as possible, Ryan told everyone that they would finish work up at home and then they took off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The minute they got in the car Shane sort of.. Crumbled. Ryan watched as he rested his head in his hand and took a shaky breath. “I’m so sorry, Ry.” Shane whispered, his voice full of emotion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, you have nothing to apologize for.” He said, putting emphasis on the ‘nothing’. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane finally looked at him. He looked like he was on the verge of tears. “You say that but I know it can’t be easy… putting up with me. It’s so fucking dumb, I hate feeling like this.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know.” Ryan took his hand again. “Shane I need you to know that you aren’t something I ‘put up with’ okay? Everyone has bad days, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be there, to help you through yours. I want you to be okay no matter what. I love you so much.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane smiled at him and took a deep breath. “Thank you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course.” Ryan said, returning to getting ready to drive. “Besides, you’d do the same for me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane chuckled weakly. “Can’t argue with that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, let’s get the fuck home.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sighed. “That sounds like a wonderful plan.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck.” Is all Shane said as he dropped his bag by the door and all but collapsed on the couch. Ryan just smirked at him. “I never want to leave the house again. If I stay here I won’t have to deal with anyone or worry about anything, it’d be great.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m here.” Ryan reminded him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like I said, it’d be great.” Shane mumbled into the couch cushions. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How sweet.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m the king of romance baybey.” Shane joked and Ryan wheezed. It felt good, right. It was always nice when Shane started acting like himself again, even if he was tired as all hell.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright big guy.” He pushed Shane’s feel off the couch so he could take a seat. Shane was a sasquatch and he would die on that hill. “Let’s get you something to eat.” He said as he pulled out his phone to find something to order.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane sat up and mumbled. “I’m not hungry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve eaten nothing today. It doesn’t have to be a lot but I’m not letting you starve yourself.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine.” Shane dragged out the word dramatically. Ryan just rolled his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a minute or so of Ryan scrolling through their options and a small debate on what to get they decided on chipotle. “It’ll be here in like, an hour.” Ryan started. “In the meantime, I’m gonna go take a shower.” Shane made a noise of complaint and grabbed Ryan’s wrist when he tried to get up. “It’ll be as quick as possible, I promise.” Shane stared him down for a moment longer before relenting. Ryan leaned down and kissed his head. “I’ll be right back.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he returned from his shower Shane was once again sprawled out on the couch flipping through Netflix. “You find anything good?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Shane grumbled. “Nothing sounds good.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll figure something out.” Ryan said, once more moving Shane legs so he could sit down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We always do, don’t we?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was followed by another surprisingly domestic debate about movies and shows and what was good and what wasn’t that went on until their food got there. They settled on a movie they had seen a thousand times before but that was okay. The whole thing was very familiar and Ryan could tell Shane appreciated it. If he’s being honest he feels like he’s sort of a master at making Shane feel better at this point.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rest of their night was spent cuddled up on the couch, watching movies they liked, mostly in silence other than the odd joke here or there. It was getting relatively late when Shane rested his head in the crook of Ryan’s neck, “Thank you.” He mumbled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan smiled, not that Shane could see it though. “Tired, are we?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe.. ‘M comfy though.” It didn’t seem like Shane planned on letting go or Ryan or getting up anytime soon and well, Ryan couldn’t argue with that. Even if falling asleep on the couch wasn’t the best idea they’ve ever had- it was worth it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It always was. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hnngghgh Y'ALL<br/>There's like six more prompts left wtf am I gonna do after this?????<br/>Love you!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. "You Need To Eat Something."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shane is distant.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Developing relationship up in this bitch! I am tired.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Watcher HQ after hours always had a weird feel to it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was something distinctly different about it. It was the lack of people maybe. Ryan had only been in after everyone left a handful of times but it still felt odd. The reason he was headed back to the office so late was because he had left his hoodie on the back of his chair. If it were any other day (or any other hoodie) he would have just gone without it. But it was Friday and none of them would be back in office until Monday. Plus, it was his favorite hoodie. Now it may or may not be his favorite hoodie because it’s technically Shane’s hoodie. He says technically because Shane had pretty much given it up to Ryan the minute he saw him wearing it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Is that mine?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He had asked when Ryan walked into the living room wearing it. Ryan had looked down at it like he wasn’t completely aware that it was Shane’s when he put it on that morning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“...yeah..?” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane gave him that soft smile that made his heart melt and said, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“It looks good on you.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ryan practically breathed a sigh of relief. Shane never asked for it back but everytime he saw Ryan wear it he would give him that same smile. It never got old.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You see, Shane and Ryan had been.. together. They had never officially established anything and maybe that was because it honestly didn’t feel all that different. They hung around each other just as much, they spoke just as often, they were still there for each other, everything was essentially the same with the added benefit of being able to makeout after movie night instead of awkwardly saying goodbye. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At least that had been what they were doing. Recently though, Shane had been a bit... distant. Ryan wasn’t sure why and was starting to really think that he did something wrong. It felt like Shane was avoiding him. He’d ignore his texts sometimes and make up excuses as to why he couldn’t come over. He was quieter, colder, less enthusiastic. When they filmed stuff he was back to his usual self and things felt like they used to but then they’d finish and he’d go right back to before. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan had asked him what was up once. Shane insisted he was fine. Ryan couldn’t come up with anything he might have done to cause this. He was at a loss. It even got to the point where Steven pulled him aside and asked if they had gotten in a fight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ultimately he decided that he would wait it out for now, In the meantime he still missed Shane. Which is why he was being so clingy with the hoodie. And.. maybe he wore it in today to see if he could elicit that smile from Shane.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It didn’t work.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So. Here Ryan was, unlocking the door to the Watcher office at 9:45pm on a Friday all because he wanted the hoodie he stole from Shane (who seemed to hate him all of a sudden) and absolutely needed because he missed Shane. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The office, as he expected, was dark and quiet except for one thing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane, who was sitting at his desk, laptop screen lighting up his face. When Ryan had left hours ago it was just him and Shane still in office. Ryan wanted to finish some stuff up before he left and Shane had been hard at work on Puppet History scripts. When Ryan finally decided to leave at around 6:30 he had asked Shane how much longer he would be staying. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Not too much longer.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He had said. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Promise.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He added with a forced smile. That was enough for Ryan. He didn’t wanna push him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In retrospect it was dumb of him to think Shane wouldn’t do this, especially considering that Shane’s been burying himself in his work.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In retrospect, he should have done something more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shane?” He asked, closing the door behind him as he entered. He flipped on the light and Shane winced. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He squinted at him. “Jesus Ry, a little warning next time?” Then he turned back to his laptop. What the fuck? “Why are you here?” Shane asked, typing something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan stood there, dumbfounded. “I- I came to get my hoodie, what- what are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>still doing here?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Working.” Shane responded bluntly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wha..? Do you even know what time it is?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane’s eyes darted to the corner of his laptop where the time was displayed and then right back to his work. “Wow. Didn’t notice the time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan stared at him in disbelief. “Have you been working this whole time?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Shane said, now squinting at his screen, clearly trying to focus on something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- that’s not healthy, you know that.” Ryan said walking towards him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane ignored him and reached for Ryan’s hoodie. He held it out without making eye contact with Ryan. “Here’s your hoodie.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan took it from him hesitantly. “Shane I- I mean you need to take a break, you need to go home or something, work can wait-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane grunted in annoyance when he continued to be unable to focus, cutting Ryan’s sentence short. “I’m fine!” He snapped. When he saw Ryan flinch he sighed. “Look, you got your fuckin hoodie, you got what you came for- leave.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan couldn’t help but feel hurt. He didn’t know what he could possibly say. “Shane, I-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Leave!” Shane shouted and that was the tipping point. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shane what the fuck!? What did I do!? Why are you acting like this!?’”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane sighed, “You didn’t do anything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bullshit! If I didn’t do anything you wouldn’t be giving me the cold shoulder! If I didn’t do anything we wouldn’t be here right now! If I didn’t do anything I wouldn’t be here looking for this fucking hoodie!” He shook the hoodie for emphasis. “It’s your hoodie by the way! If I didn’t do anything wrong I wouldn’t be desperately clinging to an article of clothing because it reminds me of you!” Ryan hadn’t realized how bad this whole thing fucked him up. There was a beat. “If I didn’t do anything you would at the very least still be my friend.” He said, defeated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane stood. “Ryan, I’m sorry. You didn’t do anything I swear.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then what happened?” He whispered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- I got scared.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Scared?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Shane took a deep breath. “Scared that you’d leave me, scared that I’m not good enough, scared that I’d fuck everything up and- well I did that last one flawlessly. I’m sorry. I guess I thought that if I pushed you away it’d be fine. That nothing bad would happen. Clearly, I was mistaken. I shouldn’t have done that, I didn’t realize I was hurting you so badly, I never wanted that. God, it was so all so dumb, I’m sorry.” Shane said, rubbing at his forehead. </span>
  <span></span>
    <br/>
  
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Ryan took Shane’s hand and pulled them both down into their respective desk chairs. “It’s not dumb, Shane. Your plan? Maybe a little. But you’re allowed to have doubts. I’m not gonna sit here and invalidate your fears, I understand. I know what it’s like. But I also know that you are more than good enough. I know that I will never leave you- you’re my best friend, nothing you do could make me up and leave.” Ryan said, holding Shane’s hand and looking him in the eye. “Plus it seems like we can check ‘fucking everything up’ off the list.” He added with a smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane huffed a laugh. “I know, I just.. I think I have issues.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s okay. I do too.” Shane raised an eyebrow. “I drove all the way back to work hours later because I missed a hoodie. I wholeheartedly believed you hated me despite everything we’ve been through and straight up failed on the communication front.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane smiled. “Yeah, well I think we both failed there.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That we did. Never again, okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane nodded. “Never again.”  A moment passed. “I’m sorry I hurt you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay. I forgive you. Just please don’t yell at me ever again, that was awful. Too much emotion on your behalf.” Ryan tried to joke. Shane didn’t take the bait.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Never </span>
  </em>
  <span>again. That was so shitty of me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, I yelled right back.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah but you were provoked. I shouldn’t have done it, is all I’m saying. It won’t ever happen again.” Shane said in all seriousness. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s really not that big of a deal.” Ryan offered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is to me.” Shane said simply and Ryan understood. At least for the most part. If it was important to Shane it was important to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.” He nodded, finally sharing Shane’s seriousness. “Are we okay?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane nodded. “Only if you are.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan smiled. “I am.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I really am sorry for the shit I pulled, I’ll be better.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay big guy. I know you will. But let’s not dwell on it- </span>
  <b>You need to eat something.</b>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane yawned. “And a nap.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever you need. Let’s get out of here.” Ryan said, nodding towards the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Ryan.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So he didn’t do anything wrong and Shane didn’t hate him. All good things. Really though, Ryan was just glad to have Shane back. His Shane. They’d get better.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Together.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I got distracted while writing this SO many times and kept going back to rewrite different parts. <br/>Also one of the times I got distracted I literally bought a Puppet History Tumbler. I also bought a sticker my friend made on Redbubble which like.. their name on there is mongoosegutz so like, go support them if you have money to spare and like pride stuff.<br/>Alright I'll leave now, love y'all!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. "Stop Telling Me You're Okay."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shane has a bad day (again)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW- I was informed that some of Shane's inner dialogue in this one was pretty much suicidal thoughts! So please, beware reading this. I love y'all so much, you'll be okay.<br/>I've been hurting Shane a lot recently, huh?<br/>Whoops.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>For about the past hour or so Shane and Ryan have been quietly sitting in their hotel room. They’re on a trip for Unsolved but they don’t have to head out to location for a while so they resigned themselves to doing.. Pretty much nothing. Well Ryan’s been scrolling idly on his phone while Shane stares at his laptop screen. It’s weird. Usually Ryan’s the one trying to get work done. Actually saying that Shane’s working might be pushing it. He’s just been staring at a blank google doc the entire time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s not in the mood to work. But he’s not in the mood to talk. Or go out and do something. Really, he’s not in the mood to do anything. But he knows that would freak Ryan out and neither of them need that right now so he’s just been sitting here. Doing nothing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fun.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Really he doesn’t want to go film either. He doesn’t want to have to fake his energy the entire time or half heartedly yell at dust. He’d rather.. what </span>
  <em>
    <span>would </span>
  </em>
  <span>he rather be doing? Would he rather be at home? Maybe curled up in bed? He’d rather not feel this way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wishes he didn’t want the void in his mind to swallow him whole. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fuck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He feels numb. He feels like he isn’t really there. He wishes he was. He wishes he could be present instead of suffocating in his own mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan’s been on to him all day. Raising an eyebrow whenever Shane does something not-so-Shane-like or whenever he zones out. He hates that Ryan’s so aware of how he’s feeling. He hates that Ryan knows him so well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well that’s not true. He loves Ryan, and he loves Ryan for caring but he hates all the worry that comes with it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane doesn’t want to be the source of Ryan’s stress. He would much rather be the source of his happiness but that seems too good to ever happen. He doesn’t deserve Ryan. And Ryan sure as shit doesn’t deserve someone that’s so.. so.. What’s the word he’s looking for? Fucked up? Needy? Worrying? He’s not sure but he knows Ryan deserves better than whatever the fuck he is. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s all so dumb.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Why </span>
  </em>
  <span>is he like this? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anyway. Every time Ryan gave him a look, nudged him, or outright asked him what was up, Shane would plaster on a smile and nod or tell him that he was okay. Over and over again. After a while Ryan gave up. He just took Shane’s repetitive answers for what they were and left him alone, even if he was still worried. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All day it was “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m fine Ry.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” this and “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m okay, don’t worry about me.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” that. What else was he supposed to say? “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry Ryan. I’m a little out of it because my mind is completely empty and everything’s fuzzy and nothing feels real and I just want to disappear from this realm all together.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Probably wouldn’t be the best answer he could give. So he settled for “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m okay.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” and apparently so had Ryan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So. Here he was, sitting at the desk of a hotel room. Staring at a blank google doc. Both overthinking everything and thinking of nothing hours before a shoot. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey man.” Ryan put an arm on his shoulder and he jumped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jesus Ry.” he muttered after recovering quickly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry.” There was a beat. “You haven’t touched your laptop and the past hour at least-” He looked at Shane’s screen to see nothing on it, “Or at all.” Ryan looked at him, his eyes full of concern.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane flinched. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m fine.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look at you like what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“With your-” Shane gestured in the air like it would help him find his words. “Big fuckin’ doe eyes.” Thankfully that did get a smile out of Ryan which was always nice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right. Maybe you should take a break, maybe get some sleep? We’ll probably be out late tonight.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane didn’t really feel like sleeping. He probably wouldn’t sleep and even if he did it’s probably be fitful. It wouldn’t be worth it. “Nah, I’m okay.” Ryan gave him a look. Shane sighed. “Fine. But I’m not gonna take a nap.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t feel like it.” Shane muttered as he stood up from the desk. Ryan watched him move from the desk to his bed before sighing and heading back to his own. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane stared up at the ceiling. He didn’t even know where his phone was, which would be concerning if he could bring himself to care. Besides, when he looked at his phone he would be bombarded with new information about how the world was falling apart at the seams (wasn’t it always?) and he wouldn’t be able to bring himself to care and then he’d feel guilty because there are people dying and continents on fire and injustices and here he was, unable to feel bad about. Fuck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then again they were all gonna die anyway so what’s the point?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Glancing to his right he could see Ryan staring at him out of the corner of his eye. “Yes?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan’s eyes widened when he noticed he’d been caught staring. Then he got all meek. “I’m just worried about you is all.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane sighed and sat up. “I’m okay. I keep telling you that, why don’t you believe me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because you don’t even believe it. </span>
  <b>Stop telling me you’re okay </b>
  <span>when clearly you’re not.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane froze at that. “Am I that easy to read?’ </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan got up and sat beside Shane. “No. But I know you. I know you’re not okay. You shouldn’t have to lie to me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t have to worry about me.” Shane argued.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t have to sit in silence and deal with your problems alone when you have someone willing to listen to you. You know that Shane.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ryan, I-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop it.” Ryan ordered and he did. “Talk to me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane took a shaky breath. “You ever just, want to stop existing?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan's eyebrows shot up. “You mean like death?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no!” Shane fumbled to reassure his friend. “Nothing like that, I swear.” Ryan relaxed at that. “It’s more like..” He took a breath. “Like nothing’s real. None of this matters. You’re a burden and you’re dying under the stress of.. well the stress of life and everything would be easier if you just weren't there anymore. If you just stopped existing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane paused. “I just, I feel like I’m tethered to something nonexistent and if I could just, cut myself lose it would all be better. It’s not like it would matter anyway.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I.. I can’t say that I know what that feels like. Frankly, it sounds horrible and I’m so fucking sorry you feel that way-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You and me both.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“-but I want to help you. To make you not feel this way anymore. What can I do? What do you need from me?” Ryan continued, completely disregarding his comment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Shane put his head in his hands. “That’s the issue. I don’t even know</span>
  <em>
    <span> if</span>
  </em>
  <span> I can even be fixed let alone where to start.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not broken-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No you’re not. Shane, look at me.” Ryan ordered and he did so, hesitantly. “You’re not broken, okay? You’re just stuck. You’re in a bad place. But you aren’t broken.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane laughed dryly. “Ryan, I’ve felt this way for as long as long as I can remember.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. It just gets to me real bad some days. I’ll live.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan grabbed his hand. “You don’t deserve to live like this. You deserve to feel better, to be happy. To feel like your life is worth something because it is. You’re acting like this is just something to give up on when you can get help and you can get better but you seem so dead set on believing that you’re a lost cause I- Do you really want to die on that hill?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane froze. “I.. no, I don’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then I won’t let you.” Ryan said with a look of serious determination on his face. More determined than anything he’d seen before. A look that Shane had never seen even with all of the things Ryan was passionate about, of all of the things he focused on and put work into, Shane had never seen him look this sure, this ready, and.. It made him want to believe that Ryan was right. It gave him a sliver of hope. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane didn’t know what he could say, what he could do. This was weird. So he choked out one word. “Promise?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Promise.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan never broke that promise. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Y'all I have a question!<br/>So after this is over I'm gonna need something else to write so like,,,<br/>Would y'all be interested in sending me requests and prompts? You could head over to my tumblr to do so or just like, drop it in the comments here. I dunno, I'm just super into this fandom right now and I'm gonna be super sad when I'm done with these prompts lmao</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. "I Don't Know Where I Am, Help me."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ryan befriends a pack of drunk girls.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The last update somehow became very dark very quickly so it's time we bring back the drunk girls!<br/>Also all the comments I got on the last update legit had me in tears, I love yall so much, I'm so sorry that you related to that last one but if I was able to help you guys a little bit I mean- damn. You know? I love you guys.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It’s around 2:00 am when Ryan calls him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s immediately concerned. Usually, that would be because Ryan calling this late means he’s had a nightmare, or he’s dealing with something, or something’s wrong in general and he either doesn’t want to feel alone or he needs comfort. He’d call and give a simple explanation- usually something along the lines of </span>
  <em>
    <span>nightmares again </span>
  </em>
  <span>or </span>
  <em>
    <span>not doing great</span>
  </em>
  <span> and Shane knew that it was his responsibility to make it better. He wouldn’t have it any other way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This time around though, he’s worried because Ryan had gone out that night. It’s not something he does regularly so he raised an eyebrow but let Ryan do his thing. He hadn’t heard from him all night which is a whole other thing. On one hand, no Ryan doesn’t have to check in with him or make an effort to talk to him if he’s out doing something, he doesn’t owe that to Shane. On the </span>
  <em>
    <span>other </span>
  </em>
  <span>hand- Shane likes talking to Ryan. It makes him feel important and wanted. He likes Ryan. But it’s not a big deal. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as he sees his phone light up his mind jumps to several increasingly far out and terrifying theories as to why Ryan’s calling. None of them are rational but he thinks about it anyway. He shakes his head of the thoughts and grabs his phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ry?” He asks once he answers. When Ryan doesn’t reply he knows something’s wrong. ‘“Ry? What’s up? What’s wrong?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hears Ryan take a shaky deep breath. “</span>
  <b>I don’t know where I am, help me.</b>
  <span>” He whispers. He sounds like he’s about to start crying or already has been.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That kicks Shane into overdrive. What had happened? “Yeah, yeah of course. You don’t know where you are?” He says as he abandons his spot on the couch to look for shoes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. I’m at some club.” He stutters out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay.” He replies breathlessly. “Do you know the name?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. Shane, I don’t-” He chokes on a sob. Just then he hears a door open and a brief spurt of loud music. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! Oh my god- what.. What are you doing in here?” A woman asks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh?” Ryan responds simply, sniffling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A much more sober sounding woman speaks next. “Aw honey. This is the ladies restroom.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He can hear the surprise in Ryan’s voice. “Oh shit. I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize- I uh- I’ll leave.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, wait, wait!” A third woman shouts. “What’s wrong? You’re crying.” She slurs her words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- I’m fine, I’m talking to my.. To my Shane? I don’t- I’m good, I’ll go.” Shane listens as Ryan stumbles over his words. He sounds pretty out of it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no, no!” One of them shouts. “You can stay! We’ll take care of you- right?” She pauses briefly for her companions response (he can only assume they nod) and then goes right back to talking. “See? We got you! Tell us what happened!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane can distantly hear Ryan sniffle and then start to cry. He can’t make out much after that. He can hear Ryan making incoherent noises and women trying to calm him down. There’s no discernible words though. All of them, Ryan included, seem pretty drunk. “Uh, hello?” He asks desperately because he still has no clue what’s happening and where the hell Ryan is. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here sweetie, gimme your phone.” He can hear someone say above all the garbled and drunk noises. Apparently Ryan relinquishes his phone (which is super dumb but okay) because the next thing knows one of the women is clearly speaking to him through the phone. “Hey! I’m Lily, you’re Shane right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh.. yeah. Is everything okay? What’s going on?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh! Um, I think so.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You sound unsure.” Shane mutters.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no! It’s just that I’m pretty sure my friends joined in with your friend on the whole crying thing. Still don’t know what’s up with him though! He was just standing in the girls bathroom when we came in.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, that’s a lot. Why are your friends crying?” The longer he sits here on the phone with whoever Lily is he starts to realize how overwhelming and frankly absurd the whole situation is. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re drunk.” She answers simply.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re.. Not?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh? Oh! No, I’m the designated driver.” That makes Shane feel better. At least there’s one sober person there with Ryan. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, that’s good. What’s the name of the club you guys are at? I’m coming to pick him up.” She gives him the name and he’s already out the door before she finishes her sentence. “Can you guys stay with him?” He asks. “I still don't know what's up with him and I don’t want him to be alone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course! He’s in good hands. We’ll try to get him out front before you get here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He breathes a sigh of relief. “That’d be great. Thank you so much, I’ll be there as soon as possible.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lily, ever cheerful, responds happily. “Take your time!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He huffs a laugh. “Yeah, don’t know about that. I think I’m a bit too worried.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She laughs. “Drive safe Shane, we’ll be here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Thanks.” Then he hangs up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One surprisingly long car ride later (seriously how had Ryan gotten this far away?) and Shane had made it to the club in question. It was aggressively neon and relatively packed despite the fact that it was almost cut off time. It didn’t take much effort for him to spot Ryan. He was sitting on the curb with the three girls on either side of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He quickly pulled the car over and hoped out. As he jogged over he watched Ryan’s eyes light up when he saw him. Who he could only assume was Lily waved at him with a smile upon noticing Ryan’s recognition and the other two girls sort of glared at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey little guy, how’re we feeling?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who are you?” One of the other girls asked skeptically. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s Shane!” Ryan answered (excitedly) for him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The girl's eyes widened and then one of them, although not so secretly, whispered to Ryan. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> Shane?” Ryan nodded eagerly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The girls exchanged a look before smiling. “Ooooooh..” They teased and Ryan started slapping at them in an attempt to shut them up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stooop! Shush! Shush, shush, shush!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane turned to look at Lily who just shrugged. “They’re really drunk.” She said simply and he rolled his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Clearly.” He cleared his throat. “Hey, Ryan. I’m gonna get you out of here, you ready to go home?” He offered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah. ‘M tired.” He mumbled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t doubt it. C’mon.” He said as he pulled Ryan up from the curb. He pretty much collapsed into Shane’s side. “Thank you guys for taking care of him, I really appreciate it.” He said earnestly. “I think i can take it from here though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No problem!” Lily piped up. “It was nice meeting you two!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, you guys too.” Ryan waved at the other two girls, who’s names he still had yet to learn. Shane nodded at them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bye!” Ryan shouted as he clambered into the passenger seat of the car. The girls yelled it back. Shane got in the car himself and they took off towards Ryan’s apartment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a moment Shane spoke. “How’re you feeling?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan tilted his head in confusion. “Hm? Oh, I’m okay. They were really nice.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane nodded. “That’s good, but what happened that got you so worked up? How did you even get all the way out here?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan’s face darkened. “Oh.” He whispered. Shane glanced over at him and saw a tear slide down his cheek. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, you don’t have to tell me if it bothers you that much.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no. You deserve an explanation.” He laughs dryly. “It’s so dumb now that I think about it.” He took a deep breath. “I was actually on a date tonight.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh..” Hearing that should not have made him as upset as it did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We hit it off and then we went to a couple of other places before ending up at that club. I.. he was super nice but he kept drinking and became more of a.. Prick I guess. I don’t know. I just kept going with everything he told me to do and he got more aggressive and I just- it’s not like he did anything I just got scared.” Ryan concluded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit.” Shane replied breathlessly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. So I ended up freaking out and called you. You know the rest.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What a piece of shit.” Shane muttered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean he didn’t do anything, I was overreacting.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t try to defend him Ry, you did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>overreact. You felt unsafe. There’s nothing wrong with that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan sighed. “I know, it’s just- I mean I called you out here and it’s damn near three in the morning-” Shane barked a laugh. “What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ryan I would drop everything for you.” Shane said before he could think about it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“O..oh.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a beat and then Ryan started giggling. It melted Shane’s heart and he gave Ryan a soft smile. “What’s so funny?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Ryan wheezed. “I don’t know. I’m really drunk and really tired.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, then let’s get you home.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the time Shane got to Ryan’s apartment Ryan was dead asleep beside him. He gently shook him awake. “Hey Ry guy, you’re home.” Ryan squinted at him and made a couple of noises but wordlessly meandered out of the car. Sleepy Ryan was something he always enjoyed. Sleepy Ryan was fucking adorable. Actually plain ol’ Ryan was adorable. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took some time but Shane got him upstairs relatively easily and he all but collapsed onto his bead. Shane brought him some water before he was totally dead to the world and made him drink it. He put a trash can next to his bed and left him ibuprofen. You know, all the generic ‘my friend is wasted’ tips and tricks. He was getting ready to leave, sure that Ryan would survive the night before he hesitated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What if he kissed Ryan’s head? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s no harm in that right? Ryan wasn't even awake to realize it and even if he was he probably wouldn’t even remember it come tomorrow. It would be a one time thing. This is his chance, he’d never be given this chance again. Just a lil’ kiss, there’s nothing wrong with that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Gently, he placed a delicate kiss on the top of Ryan’s head and smiled to himself. It felt right. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was turning to leave when Ryan spoke. “Hell yeah, I got a kiss.” Shane spun right the fuck around on his heel. Ryan’s eyes were still closed but he was smiling. “Thanks Shane.” He mumbled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane felt his face heat up. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He whispered awkwardly. He cleared his throat. “Uh, you’re welcome? Night Ryan.” Then he took his leave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What just happened? Shit that was so dumb. Oh,  god he shouldn’t have done that. That was so stupid! There’s no way Ryan would remember that, right? God he hoped so. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a thousand thoughts running through his head Shane drove himself home and proceeded to stare at the ceiling for the rest of the night/morning considering it was practically light out. He continuously tried to reassure himself. Ryan would not remember that. He’s far too tired and drunk and overwhelmed. Right? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Right?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane had the sinking feeling that he was wrong. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>GANG<br/>First of all I am very hyped for tomorrow's puppet history. <br/>Second, I am SO EXCITED for Too Many Spirits<br/>Third, I am SO READY for whatever show Ryan has planned and Steven's next show <br/>Finally- I don't know how the FUCK they're gonna do it but we're getting a new season of Unsolved!!!!!!<br/>Which, fun fact, will be the first season of Unsolved I am actually present for! I only joined this fandom sometime after the last true crime season so I am VERY excited to be here. <br/>HAPPY SPOOKY SEASON YALL</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. "Why Didn't You Tell Me?"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ryan's going through it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hnfnfgh this could honestly be so much better but I sorta gave up on it lmao<br/>I don't hate it there's just parts where I could have added to it but didn't know what and honestly I'm not sure if it makes much sense but whatever.<br/>Side note! The summary for this entire fic is gonna get changed because I ran out of characters so it'll just say the part about how this is from a hurt/comfort prompt list.<br/>ANYWAY here's an update :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>As of late, Ryan’s been going through it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hasn’t talked about it too much but he’s mentioned it vaguely. How he’s a human disaster, how his mind is a nightmare, stuff like that. It’s all true but it’s a lot more than he’d let on. He feels like his brain doesn’t work right, like it’s broken. And maybe it is. It feels like his mind has always been working against him. His anxiety eats him up and his self-hatred destroys him. It hurts. It hurts a lot. But he’s gotten used to it at this point. His mind is a dark place, they’ve established this. He’s really the only one who could survive it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That doesn’t mean he’s always fine though.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No, nothing like that. He goes through spouts where he feels awful and worthless and like nothing he does will ever be good enough. Spouts where those nasty little gremlins in his mind decide to pester him more than usual and remind him that he’s not good enough. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But they’re right, aren’t they?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Are they?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He honestly doesn’t know anymore. He doesn’t know what to believe. The people around him, his friends and family, his fans, tell him how much they love him all the time. That he’s appreciated, that he’s great. But the demons remind him that none of that is true. That they’re lying. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The worst part is that he’d been doing so good. He was going to therapy regularly, he was getting help, he was coping well. He thought that maybe, just maybe, he would be free of these feelings one day, free of these monsters that lurk in the shadows of his mind. Now though, he’s starting to believe them- and well, that scares him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So. He’d been struggling to say the least. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he’s fine- for the most part. He’ll get through it. He always does. He’s okay. He’ll live. He’ll be fine. This isn’t anything he can’t handle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Or so he thinks until he finds himself standing on Shane’s doorstep unannounced at 2:00am on a wednesday night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s crying quietly and has been for some time now. Tonight it was just too much. His thoughts were too loud. He couldn’t stand to be alone with himself any longer. It hurt so fucking bad. So without thinking too much he went to the first place he could think of. The first place he knew he could go and he would be safe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He remembers the conversation he’d had with his therapist where she’d asked where his happy place was. He wasn’t really sure what that meant.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh, you know. Where do you feel most at home? Where you’re the safest and the most calm. Where is it that you feel the happiest?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>She had clarified. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had sat there and pondered it for a moment. Nothing came to mind. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Maybe I don’t have one.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He shrugged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Everyone has a happy place Ryan.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> She said with a smile. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s not always a place specifically. Sometimes it’s a person. Someone that you trust and can be yourself around. Someone you know would never dare hurt you. Someone that makes you happy.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then only one thing had come to mind. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Shane.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He had whispered, almost in disbelief. His therapist just nodded like she had known the whole time, like she was in on some joke. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why Shane?” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Because he’s everything that you just listed.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He muttered. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“What the fuck?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He whispered to himself. She just laughed. They went on from there like nothing had happened, like Ryan hadn’t just had an Earth shattering moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Needless to say that had been an eventful session.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Presently, he knocked his hand gently against the door a couple of times and then he waited. Not even a minute or so later the door unlocked and he was greeted by Shane, who was wearing sweatpants and a bandana and looked generally soft. “Ry? What the fuck are you doing here?” Ryan, who had calmed down a bit, immediately returned to crying upon being asked the question. “Woah!” Shane shouted in surprise. Then, he calmly pulled Ryan into a hug. “Hey, hey..” He cooed. “You’re okay, you’re okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stood there for a minute, Shane rubbing circles into his back as he cried. Ryan finally pulled away and rubbed at his eyes with his hoodie sleeves. “Sorry.” He whispered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t sweat it little guy, let’s get you inside.” Shane guided Ryan iside with an arm against the small of his back. He shut the door behind him and all but moved Ryan to the couch himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once seated, Shane threw an arm around Ryan and pulled him close. Ryan tensed. Shane wasn’t the most touchy feely person he’d ever met. He wasn’t usually the one to initiate this kind of thing. Ryan didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Relax.” Shane said as if he’d read his mind. “You need a fucking hug, man.” That was enough for Ryan to melt into Shane’s side. It felt like he belonged there. Like he was a perfect fit. “Talk to me.” Shane prompted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan took a deep breath. “My thoughts are too loud. They have been for a while. I was handling it fine!” He shouts defensively. “But tonight it was just too much.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan struggled to find a way to explain it. “Well I mean, you’ve seen me have my breakdowns, you’ve seen my anxiety in action. My mind’s a dark place, you know that. It was just too much.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah but I didn’t know the extent of it.” Shane sort of pulls away to get a good look at Ryan. “</span>
  <b>Why didn’t you tell me?</b>
  <span>” He asks softly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It makes Ryan want to cry the spot but he holds himself together. “It’s not usually this bad? Well that’s a lie, I’ve just gotten better at managing it. You know I go to therapy. I was doing really good, I was. But recently it’s just been.. hard.” He concludes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ry, you know you can talk to me, right?” Ryan nodded. Of course he could talk to Shane, Shane’s his best friend. “Then why don’t you?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That stops Ryan in his tracks. “Because.. because I don’t want to burden you.” He mumbles. He feels really fucking dumb right now because he knows what Shane will say next.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>a burden- you hear me? You are the furthest thing from it. I need you to know that.” Ryan doesn’t like when Shane takes a serious tone. It never means anything good. He’s almost embarrassed that they’re having this conversation right now, he shouldn’t need to be comforted like this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just-” He starts. “Logically, I know that. I know that you care about me, I know that I’m not a bad person but my brain tells me otherwise, you know? It’s like a battle between left and right brain and I hate it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane just nods and pulls Ryan back into his side. “I’m not by any means an expert when it comes to these things, so I know jack shit about how to help you but I still want to, okay? I want to, at the very least be there for you, a shoulder to cry on-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well you can check mark that one, I cried all over you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane chuckled at that. “Really though. I can’t help you if you don't let me, you know? I don’t want the only reason I know that you’re having a hard time to be because you showed up unannounced. I want to know what’s going on in your head so maybe I can shoulder some of that shit for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My head’s not a fun place. Letting you in would quite literally burden you. It wouldn’t be worth it.” The </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m not worth it </span>
  </em>
  <span>died on his tongue. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane laughs abruptly. “You’re aware that I would go through hell and back for you, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan furrowed his eyebrows and looked up at him. “What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing could ever make me see you as a burden, Ry. You matter to me. I don’t want to see you suffer alone. You deserve better than that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.. I didn’t know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah I’m not the best at letting you know that, I’m sorry.. But I care, okay? Let me help you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.. okay.” Ryan agreed almost breathlessly. His brain was still trying to comprehend everything that was going on. “I’ll try.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s more than enough.” Then Shane kissed his head ever so gently and Ryan thinks he might just die on the spot. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Ryan mumbled a couple minutes later. “For being there. Most people wouldn’t take too kindly to someone showing up outside their house.” He smiled into Shane’s side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane wheezed. “Yeah well you’ve got me wrapped around your finger.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that a good or bad thing?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t have it any other way Ry guy.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well there's that- ANYONE WANNA TALK ABOUT HOW RYAN'S BEEN KIDNAPPED??????<br/>Like, I know that it's promotion for whatever show he has next (Another season of Are You Scared or something new) but that doesn't change the fact that I absolutely DESPISED watching the video of him gagged and struggling. That fucked me up man. <br/>In other news I might finish up this fic this week which is sad as shit but it depends because I'm on fall break which gives me more time but I'm also gonna be with my dad which is.. a whole other can of worms. <br/>Okay I'll shush now, hope this one wasn't too awful!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. "Don't Touch Me!"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shane gets overwhelmed.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW- Relatively heavy talk about hate crimes. I had some stuff on my mind so it got put here. It's nothing too graphic or anything like that, more a discussion thing than anything else. Still- it's a dark thing so TW<br/>Also, established relationship.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They’re filming an episode of true crime when he starts to lose it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan is describing the gory details of a string of murders all connected via the fact that they were one, hate crimes and two, all committed by the same person- a psychopath with a vendetta against gay men. They know this because he sent lots of letters to the police about all of his murders and was oh so proud of his work. The motherfucker was never caught. Probably thanks to equally homophobic police officers if Shane had to guess.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anyway, the killer was a piece of shit to say the least.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Needless to say it’s an intense subject matter. Subject matter that Shane has always had issues with. It’s always been something that got to him. Understandably so, he’s not totally emotionless. The issue this time around though is that it really gets to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Ryan describes the horrors that the men suffered through Shane can’t help but put himself in their shoes. While he himself isn’t technically a gay man (he’s actually pan) that means nothing to homophobic assholes. He could easily be any of these men. Yes, these all happened in the 90's and yes things are better now but there are still insane bastards that would hurt him if given the opportunity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, granted this isn’t anything he hasn’t thought about before. But, almost all of these murders happened in pairs, meaning that (with a little bit of research on the victims) the psycho was killing couples. He thinks that’s what made it so much worse to think about. He has a partner now. He has Ryan. They haven’t been together super long but they slot together so well that it’s hard to tell. He loves Ryan with his whole goddamn heart and then some. So now, when he thinks about how something like this could happen to him one day he can’t help but add Ryan to the equation and oh, oh does it make things so much worse. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s all so horrific and he hates that his mind is so good at coming up with dark, dark depictions of what could be. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He mourns the men whose lives were taken in such awful fucking ways. He wishes they got to live happy lives. He mourns the lives of everyone lost to such heinous crimes. He wishes things were different. He mourns those lost in impossible battles. They were all doomed from the start.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s lucky. He’s so fucking lucky. He can never truly appreciate the life he’s been handed. He doesn’t deserve it. Why does he get to live happily ever after while they all died? He’s not special by any means. He knows the world is unjust and cruel but Jesus christ! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>why?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His mind is running a hundred miles a minute. He can’t even hear Ryan now. He’d sort of opted out of the conversation at this point. He blinks and looks to his left. Ryan’s cleary stopped talking and was looking at him with eyes full of concern, waiting for him to chime in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s panicking. Everything’s too bright and too loud and too </span>
  <em>
    <span>much</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He feels so overwhelmed and so awful. He can’t breathe. He can’t fucking breathe. He can’t stand this. Has this room always seemed so small? He needs to get the fuck out of here before he totally loses it on camera. Before he knows it he’s up out of his seat and booking it out of the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s racing down the hallway, people pass him in a blur. He barely dodges a new intern (a great first impression on his part) and ignores the startled look he gets in return. His heart is beating out of his chest. He feels sick to his stomach. He hates this. He hates this. He hates this. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He bursts through a set of doors that lead to a back lot of Buzzfeed and all but collapses against a brick wall.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He buries his head in his shaky hands and hardly restrains himself from crying. He feels like throwing up. His mouth is dry and he still can’t breathe. His mind is jumbled and foggy. He barely knows where he is at this point. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A moment later the doors he’d just came through burst open once more to reveal a frantic looking Ryan. Shane jumps at the noise and barely glances at Ryan. He wants to disappear. He wants to be out of this situation, he wants to feel better.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pulls his long legs towards his chest as he curls into himself as best he can. He desperately wants to feel secure.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why is he so terrified? He feels scared out of his goddamn mind. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why </span>
  </em>
  <span>is he reacting like this?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He watches out of his peripheral as Ryan frantically searches for him before spotting him and sighing in relief. “Oh thank god.” He says breathlessly. “What happened?” He asks as he approaches Shane.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane can’t help but push himself as close to the wall as possible. Ryan tilts his head at him before coming closer again. “Shane?” He asks. He reaches out to touch him and oh god, oh god, oh fuck, no, no, no, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>Don’t touch me!</b>
  <span>” He shouts and Ryan recoils almost immediately. A look of hurt goes over his face and Shane feels awful for yelling but he can’t bring himself to apologize or say jack shit. Instead he slams his eyes shut and focuses on willing his tears away. He hates this, he hates this. He doesn’t understand. He wants it to stop.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Woah, hey, I’m sorry.” Ryan tries. He crouches down to Shane’s level. “Can you look at me?” Shane, his face tucked into his knees, shakes his head vehemently. “Okay, that's okay.” He reassures him. “What can I do to help you?” He asks and that makes Shane pause for a moment. It gives him the opportunity to think about something specifically. What </span>
  <em>
    <span>can </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ryan do to help?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Talk.” He whispers once he’s made up his mind and his voice sounds much more weaker than he intends it to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Talk?” Ryan asks. Shane nods. “Talk about what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan gives him a look that he can’t quite read but shrugs. “Okay. Let’s see..” He sits on the ground, directly in front of him. He thinks for a moment. “Oh! I’ve got something, so you know how Steven and I play basketball every once in a while, right?” Shane nods and Ryan talks about his feud with Steven and how crazy their last few games have been. He gets off topic and goes on tangents a few times and says a lot of stuff about basketball that he doesn’t quite understand but by the end of it Shane is watching him. He can take deep breaths and his mind (although a still little foggy still) allows him to make coherent thoughts. He’s still a bit shaky but he’s better, more or less.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” He says when Ryan’s story concludes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course.” Ryan says with a smile. “How are you feeling?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m.. okay.” He sounds unsure, even to himself. “That was really fucking weird.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan looks at him weird. “What do you mean?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just.. I mean I’ve had a panic attack before but that was.. intense.” He says hoarsely.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you think triggered it?” Ryan asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane flinches at the thought of talking about it. He doesn’t quite feel like inviting the negative back into his mind just yet. He doesn’t have it in him to have another reaction like that. “Not right now Ry.” He mumbles and Ryan nods in understanding.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s okay. Can I hug you?” He asks hesitantly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane bites his lip and nods and Ryan wraps him in a hug and he feels that security he had wanted so badly. He feels comforted. He melts into the hug, something he rarely, if ever does. His head is tucked into the crook of Ryan’s neck. He feels protected. He feels like he’s at home. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They sit there a while. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually Shane pulls away. “Hey, I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier.” He says earnestly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh no, don’t apologize!” Ryan rushes. “You had every right, I should have asked, that’s on me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m your boyfriend, you should be able to-” Ryan cuts him off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have every right to personal space, especially if you’re panicking like that.” He says sternly and Shane nods. He drops the subject afterwards. Ryan stands. “Do you need a minute or do you wanna get out of here?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But the episode-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan cuts him off again. “We can finish it another time, you’re more important. You wanna leave?” He offers a hand to Shane.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane looks at Ryan, and then at Ryan’s hand. “Yeah.” He mutters in defeat as Ryan helps him up off the ground. “Hey how did you find me out here?” He asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh I just followed the trail of confused workers. An intern said you almost trampled her.” He smiles up at Shane.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane finds himself laughing. “I should probably apologize to her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There will be other days.” Ryan assures him as he holds Shane’s hand by his side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just then Katie pops her head out of the door, looking casual as ever, although there’s a look of worry on her face. “Everything good out here?” She asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane clears his throat. “Just about.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s good. You okay?” Shane nods and rubs at the back of his neck awkwardly. “Okay cool. You headed out for the day?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yup.” Ryan says, popping the p. He suddenly feels like they’ve been caught doing something they shouldn’t have been doing, and maybe they were. They weren’t exactly out to their coworkers yet but if anyone was to know it’d probably be Katie. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright.” She says, satisfied with their answers. She smirks at their interlocked hands. “See you tomorrow.” Then she walks back inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it just me or was that weird?” Ryan asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh thank god, yeah no that was weird.” Shane breathes a sigh of relief. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think she knows?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That we’re together?” Ryan nods. “Probably.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan stares at where Katie had appeared. He shakes his head as if to clear his mind. “You know what?” He says looking up at Shane. “It doesn't matter.” He smiles proudly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane smiles. “Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Ryan nudges him in the side. “Alright, let’s get out of here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane takes a deep breath. “Yeah, okay.” He knows he’ll have to explain himself eventually, he’ll have to talk about whatever the fuck happened but for now, Ryan’s proud smile is enough to carry him in a high for the rest of the day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Or until he passes out because </span>
  <em>
    <span>damn </span>
  </em>
  <span>did that take a lot out of him.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh GOD we have one chapter left of this shit oh my god how did we get here yall<br/>EDIT: DID YALL SEE THE PICTURES WATCHER INSTAGRAM POSTED????<br/>It was literally the fucking professor that did it I'm so goddamn confused why???? What's happening?????</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. "I Could Use A Hug."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ryan has a rough week.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here we go folks!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>This week Shane’s watched Ryan spiral out of control on more than one occasion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>First, Ryan’s longtime girlfriend of however many years broke up with him. Ryan was hurt to say the least. He called Shane later that night, clearly sniffing as he did so, and asked him to come over. When Shane got there Ryan was looking rough, his eyes puffy and bloodshot. It was a devastating sight to see.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>How are you?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He asked gently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan sniffled. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fine. I’ve been through worse.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane frowned at him. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re allowed to feel bad Ry.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I know.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He put a hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>There are plenty of other fish in the sea.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He said with a smirk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Thankfully, Ryan huffed a laugh. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Thanks Shane, you really know how to cheer a guy up.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m a master aren’t I? Now come on, I brought pizza. Talk to me.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” And like many times before he was there to pick up the pieces. He always would be. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then, it was with work. Between guests cancelling last minute, pre production for an upcoming show, negotiations with Buzzfeed about their work on Unsolved and what felt like a thousand different shoots all happening at once- saying Ryan was stressed would be an understatement. He watched Ryan run around and in a frantic haze and all but pull his hair out. He left him alone until he noticed that Ryan was failing to take care of himself. Then he would force him to do so no matter how many bitter looks he got from the man. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m fine.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He would say angrily when Shane would ask him to take a break with him or to eat something.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh c’mon little guy! Everyone needs a break every once in a while! Even a workaholic like you.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He’d try to joke every time and it wouldn’t land every time. Ryan would just glare at him. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Look, just.. sit with me for a minute, yeah?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shane, I’m busy.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He’d say as he got up to leave.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ryan I-</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then he would snap at Shane. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Leave me alone!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” It happened every time and it hurt just as much every time, even if Shane knew he didn’t mean it. But every time Shane would suck it up and grab Ryan’s wrist as he got up to leave.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Stay.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He’d say seriously and Ryan’s hard exterior would fall for a moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fine.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He’d mumble and Shane, satisfied with his work, would offer Ryan some of his food, just to get him to eat something.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Finally,  it was a death in the family. A close cousin taken in a car crash far too soon. Ryan was destroyed. He remembers watching Ryan collapse onto his couch upon hearing the news. He remembers holding Ryan as he sobbed into his shoulder. The funeral was that Saturday. When Ryan sheepishly asked if he would come with him Shane didn’t even think twice. He agreed immediately. If Ryan needed him he would be there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And he was. Somber was the best way he could describe the funeral. He stood next to Ryan and rubbed circles into his back as they watched the casket be lowered into the ground and Ryan cried silently. He gave his condolences to everyone Ryan introduced him too. They were all very nice despite the circumstances. Apparently Ryan had told them all about him at one point or another. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan spoke during the church service. It was a brief yet sweet eulogy that he had been nervous to give. Shane had listened to him stress over each word the night before. He had wanted it to be perfect and Shane sat there patiently as he ran through it with him. Afterwards they headed to Ryan’s grandmother’s house for a sort of celebration of life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>How’re you feeling Ry?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He asked as they made their way over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan sighed. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know. It’s a lot.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I know.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Shane paused. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You did good.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan mumbled a thanks and they drove for a bit longer in relative silence until he spoke up again. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Thank you for coming to this with me. I honestly don’t think I would survive it otherwise.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Of course.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I feel kinda bad for dragging you along. I mean it’s like the entirety of my family, that must be kinda awkward, right?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He looked over at Shane from the passenger seat, waiting for a response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was the thing. It hadn’t been all that weird. He didn’t really feel out of place. Of course he wishes he got to meet Ryan’s family under better circumstances but they were all so.. well they were nice. He.. kinda felt like he belonged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>It was fine, don’t sweat it.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Is what he chooses to say to Ryan and apparently that's enough for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So, to put it nicely, Ryan’s had one hell of a week.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The celebration of life goes off without a hitch. It’s nice. Multiple people say it’s what the deceased would have wanted and Shane believes it. When it comes to a close (relatively late might he add) Shane drives Ryan home. Presently, he’s standing awkwardly in the entrance of Ryan’s apartment, bouncing on the balls of his feet, while Ryan sits there with his head in his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How are you?” He asks for what feels like the thousandth time this week because he isn’t sure what else he can do.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan sighs. “I’m just so tired, you know?” He says looking up at Shane who nods in return. “It’s just all, so much. I guess? I don’t know man.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no, I get it man. It’s been rough-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell me about it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ry..” He warns and Ryan backtracks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, I know. I’m sorry, It’s just.. I don’t know, it’s just a lot- right? I mean you’re right, it’s been fucking rough and this week has been exauhsting and I just really feel like the universe is fighting me on this and I know you don’t believe in that stuff but it’s the only way I can explain why I feel like giving up.” Ryan rambles and honestly? Shane doesn’t know what to say to that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He doesn’t know what he can say to make it all better. He can’t! As much as he wants to take Ryan’s pain away he can’t and that bothers him more than anything else. So, instead of trying to come up with something moving or hopeful to say he takes one look at Ryan’s expectant face and asks, “What can I do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan blinks in surprise and then shrugs. “</span>
  <b>I could use a hug.</b>
  <span>” That’s something Shane can do. He walks over to Ryan and gestures for him to stand. “What?” He asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m giving you a hug, dumbass.” He cringes at himself for calling Ryan a dumbass right now but it earns him a smirk so he doesn’t feel that bad. Ryan, almost sheepishly, stands and Shane gives him the best fucking hug he can manage.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s long and Ryan’s like a fucking furnace but it’s nice and Shane breifly wonders why he always so willing to do anything for Ryan. It doesn’t take him long to realize why. He loves Ryan. But that's a whole other can of worms and he doesn’t have it in him to open it tonight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Ryan whispers weakly and he thinks he’s crying again. “For everything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll always be here, okay?” He says, pulling away. “I don’t have all the answers and I’m kind of an idiot but I’m trying.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan laughs wetly. “We’re both idiots.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay fair. But you see, I’m the bigger idiot. Literally, I’m like seven feet tall.” He feels proud when he gets a wheeze out of Ryan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not making the greatest case for yourself here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re right. My point is..” He takes a deep breath. This almost feels momentous and he’s not entirely sure why. “I love you Ry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan smiles that big fucking grin that he hasn’t seen all week and misses so much. “I love you too Shane.” There’s a beat. Then Ryan laughs to himself quietly and puts his forehead on Shane’s chest. “I’m so fucking tired man.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then go to sleep.” He says matter-of-a-factly and Ryan looks back up at him with a dopey smile and he’s almost positive he looks the same. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will you stay?” He suddenly asks nervously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shane doesn’t need to think twice. “Of course.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He feels like his eyes have been opened. He’s finally seeing something that’s been right in front of him for years now and as he lays down next to Ryan that night he can’t help but think this might be the start of something good. Something he’s gonna love. Something important. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He falls asleep looking at Ryan, admiring his face and his curls and wondering how the hell he had missed something so good for so long. Now that he has it though?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He never wants to let go.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that's a wrap!<br/>Wow. I genuinely can't believe this is over. I've spent so much time working on it for such a long time that I'm not sure what to do now. I want to thank all of you- for reading my work, for leaving comments and kudos and what not. This was my first work in this fandom and the live I've received from you all is just, wow. I've gained so much confidence in my writing abilities thanks to you guys and I just.. I don't know what to say. Thank you.<br/>I hope this last chapter was good. I really hope it was a satisfying conclusion even if these were all one shots. I don't think I've ever enjoyed writing something as much as I have this. It was a lot of fun! And I hope you enjoyed it too.<br/>Now, when it comes to what I'm doing next- I'm currently writing for a prompt I received and it will most likely go up tomorrow. It's actually like, the longest thing I've written.. ever? Anyway. From now on I'll be taking requests! You can drop them in the comments here or reach out to me on tumblr! Please send some in! Also! If you want to see an expansion on anything written here just let me know! I'll write pretty much anything other than smut and angst w/no happy ending. If you have any questions don't be afraid to ask!<br/>Side note, I had this finished yesterday but I was gonna hold off on posting it because I wanted to be able to yell about Too Many Spirits in the notes (cause yall are the only people I can really talk to about Watcher) but then that got postponed until tomorrow and I won't be able to watch it like all day which is bullshit but ANYWAY I'm banking on having this next thing done my tomorrow night so I can yell then.<br/>I think that's all I had to say. So. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reading.<br/>I love you &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Friendly reminder that I am well aware that Shane and Ryan are not together and never will be. I have major respect for both them and their wonderful girlfriends and mean no harm to anyone- this is just for fun.<br/>Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos much appreciated! I thrive on your reactions. :)<br/>Also my Tumblr is Flame0515 please come talk to me about anything my dude I like interacting with people &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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